Inceptionauts+BIG BANG

Psychonauts + Inception Trailer = AMAZING!!!

Minor potential spoilers involved from the game, but I recommend you watch it anyways.

You should probably play Psychonauts. The last level is painful, but if you stick with it the ending is sooooo good.

Also, OMG THESE GUYS ARE EPIC. Stop motion of amazing.

Yeah, I have nothing interesting to say this week.

Dear Diary 09/12/10

Dear Diary,

Here's what I did today:

• I didn't sleep well. Weird dreams about trying to find a place to sleep for the year, Bishop and Kwang and a bunch of Mudders were involved. The suite was a weird twisted version of an Atwood suite, except with a built-in kitchen. I blame stress, playing Alien Swarm too late at night, and the fact that the air conditioner got turned off so I was hot.
• Woke up early to help run A/V at church.
• Totally ate it on my bike while crossing an intersection. Bruised my shin, scraped my knee (was wearing pants), and wounded my pride in front of the one car on the streets at 7:30am on a Sunday.
• Ran A/V for the three services. A few times I totally botched it, other times I just fired the slide too soon. Or perhaps that's just my OCD kicking in.
• Helped break down the stage. We're getting new curtains for the stage to help the acoustics and to modernize the look.
• Headed home for lunch.
• Turned in my availability for A/V for the next two months so my manager can schedule us.
• Won a game of League of Legends. Yay Taric.
• Met up with rides to head to a planning event for Catalyst.
• Learned about the nuances of girls' swimwear, including mixing and matching and bringing extra sets depending on what's going on.
• Discussed how to make people feel welcome. Making an effort to connect with people and make new friends was a huge theme. Also, avoid cliques and gushing/catching up with friends from last year.
• Used a drill press to widen holes in hinges.
• Drilled holes to help make those wooden poster thingies. I think Matt called them sandwich boards since they sit outside delis mentioning the special sandwiches. Except those have chalk boards on them, we just painted these.
• Got eaten alive by bugs while painting the boards.
• Got a ride home.
• Setup a new "Limited" list of people I know on Facebook. That way I can stay "Facebook Friends" with them, but they can't see my status updates, pictures, and other stuff. Credit to Sara for the idea.
• Finally resolved the sounds card issue I've had for the last week by turning off the sound card and switching to the integrated chip on my motherboard. I should pull out the card to save energy.
• Showered.
• Wrote this entry.

Overall, not bad.

Still haven't figured out that problem I had for research when I left on Friday.

Totally Sinister

Recently I was escorted to a private, undisclosed, private location deep in the mountains for an extremely exclusive invitation-only conference. There I spent the night amongst peers as we conferred with each other about various things. We were trained how to obtain our goals. We brainstormed what entices people to join us and what causes them to stick around. We mapped out agendas and ran scenarios. We learned both subtle and overt tricks to bend others to our wills without them realizing as well a mitigating problems that may arise. We attended lectures, and had time alone to contemplate. We partitioned the potential victims amongst ourselves to maximize our success rates. We even performed several rites and rituals.

This wasn't a Satanic cult meeting. Nor was it for the Illuminati. It wasn't a secret GOP nor Democrat conference. I haven't become a secret agent, nor am I an eldritch wizard.

This was simply Bible Study Leadership training.

Turns out you can make pretty much anything sound super evil and sinister. After all, most private training events pretty much cover everything I just listed. You go to learn to maximize your goals, plans are laid out, you may have lectures, certain rites may be performed, and you in general learn the tricks of your trade. Groups of individuals typically have a goal in mind and they plan to reach that goal in the most efficient way possible.

That doesn't mean there is an evil conspiracy lurking trying to take over the world.

Similarly, I am not sure why several people seem to think all corporations are evil or that the government is out to ruin the average person. That would kinda be bad for business/re-election.

What is Love?

I recently was asked the question: what is love?

I honestly could not answer. I have never been in a dating relationship nor am I married, so I couldn't try to describe it from personal experience in those areas. Most of the love I have experienced is either via family or what I discern from other sources.

Historically the Greeks actually have four words for love. Storge is natural affection, typically between family members. Philia is for friendship and "brotherly love." Eros is passionate love, reserved for a desire. It covers dating and marriage, and is not necessarily sexual. Then there is Agape. This is true love. Not just mere attraction, but a deep unconditional commitment love. Modern Biblical scholars point out that Agape is used heavily in the Bible to describe the love of God has for us. For this discussion, let us focus on having Agape love.

Here are a few fall-back cliches about love from different realms:

• As a gamer: Love is a status flag you can be in with another character. You gain it probably by saying the right things and doing the right actions. You will have to show interest in the other person, but if you perform enough positive actions, they automatically fall for you.
• As a scientist: Love is the biochemical cocktail of emotions that are triggered via memory, circumstance, and self-designed conceptions of your environment. There may be ways to influence the reaction to another person via hormones, pheromones, and perhaps there are latent DNA encodings about what we feel are a good mate to fall in love with.
• As a philosopher: Love is a state of being. A connection perhaps. Or maybe it's a kind of disciplined reaction you train yourself to have in reaction to another particular person. It may be a kind of mystical force unknown yet by science. Perhaps the universe conspires to match certain individuals (soul mates). Or perhaps it's just jumbled hormones and we "settle" for someone we can obtain.
• As a romantic: Love is getting struck by lightning and falling back in love every day and every second.
• As a cynic: Love is random firings of your brain that get you in trouble.
• As a Christian: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Also, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" - John 3:16.
• From the Cartoons:

• A friend's answer: "Love is an unconditional commitment to the good of another person."
• From the movies: "When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part." - Captain Corelli's Mandolin
• From a Romantic Comedy: Love is something that just kinda happens but then the universe conspires against them.

It's a tricky question to say the least. Really we would like to think it's more than just emotions or that you can buy love by spending enough time and doing the right things. As a society we seem to enshrine love as one of those pure, good emotions that everyone should experience but so few get. It is also one of those emotions that we are allowed to get caught up and get lost within. It is definitely a good thing.

Yet for some reason it is really hard to nail down, at least in my mind, what love is. One problem is it is not just an emotion. You do not just feel love and get warm and fuzzy. Love has an action component. You are supposed to act out in love. You are supposed to engage with the person you love, and let the bond of love grow and prosper. It has investment and tangible results. Getting married and spending your life together is supposed to be the end result of love. You have to declare love. You don't have to declare, say, being happy. It is perfectly fine to keep being happy locked up inside. Yet love is supposed to have an outer appearance.

Even if we strip it down to just an emotion, it isn't a simple emotion. There is an underlying assumption that it can last. Real love weathers the good and the bad. It acts as a secure anchor. The solidity of love is what distinguishes it from just a passing fancy. However, it also has a very wild side to it. It can completely change your perspective on things, and sometimes make you do things that normally are neither healthy nor in your own best interest. Yet you do them anyways because you are in love. It is a common trope to give your life away in the name of love.

Then again, perhaps there isn't a perfect answer. Perhaps love really is what you make of it. It has so many facets it's really quite unique and plays out differently amongst different individuals.

I think for now I'll settle somewhere between my friend's definition and a deep emotional response. Then again, I'm sure actually falling in love one day will change my life's perspective.

The Fascination with Being Right

In a recent revelation I discovered I tend to like being right.

I like to state things as if they were truly hard cold facts even if they are based on assumptions or guesswork.

I enjoy lording my intellect over others and find it my duty to correct wrong notions and continue to spread knowledge and truth.

In fact, I am so infatuated with it and my awesome abilities of self-awareness, I'm declaring it a fact RIGHT NOW. (whoa, got kinda meta there)

I don't think this is an isolated incident. I think we all like being right. There is a certain sense of authority to being right. Being assertive means you can take control of the situation, take command of the conversation, and center all attention to your awesomeness.

Unfortunately, overstating how right you are tends to have a few downsides. For one thing, you might start to think that you are actually always right all the time. Which you aren't. Plus, those that do know better might be afraid to correct you since you are so sure that you are right. Being thought of as cocky and obvious are also poor interpretations of your awesome rightness.

Here are some way to tell if this is affecting you:

1. Do you tend to state an opinion of yours as fact?
2. Do you have to have the last word in a discussion/argument?
3. Do you make you job to prevent misunderstandings?
4. Do you nitpick about small details in someone else's story as they tell it by interrupting them?
5. Do you sometimes feel the need to return to a prior spot in the conversation where someone was incorrect?
6. Do you often wish more people would speak up and correct you when you are unintentionally wrong?
7. Is there uncomfortable silence after you finish talking?

I have no idea how to fix this. Except maybe making sure I shut up more often.

You Are Hanging Out With Someone

that you haven't seen in a really long time.

Suddenly, they say, "You know something? You haven't changed a bit."

This happened to me. I wanted to strangle that person.

"What do you mean I haven't changed? It's been over four years! Of course I've changed! I'm not as big of a loser, I've learned new things, I have new skills, I have new friends, I've matured, I'm not a huge nerd, I've gained social manners, I've done SO MUCH!!!!!"

Seriously. That's what was going on in my head.

This of course was a high school friend who I hadn't seen since high school. High School, while nice, wasn't exactly pleasant. Better than some other points in my life, but every time I see a "recreation" of high school on TV or in a movie I want to scream "THAT'S NOT HOW IT'S LIKE." I was socially oblivious, had huge social and emotional baggage, and in general wasn't too great of a person. Mostly I studied, did Band, and randomly picked up new and unexciting hobbies to have people to hang around.

Then college hit. Everyone I'm sure knows that time away from parents and the college environment is like water to your inner maturity plant. Suddenly you have choices and decisions and the ability to stay up as late as you want and eat stuff that's bad for you! You have to deal with social issues and some basic economics without your parents looking over your shoulder. Heck, your teachers sometimes even almost treat you as their peers instead of as imbeciles.

Basically, I thought it was an excellent time of growth and self-discovery and maturation.

Apparently not. Or it was all internal or something. Or I was reverting due to the proximity of someone from a past era.

It doesn't matter. Never EVER say that to anyone. Especially after they go through college.

Humility: A Good Trait?

Depends on who you ask.

Here's two fairly recent posts:

Get Smarter by Realizing You're Not That Great.

A Study on Personality Traits Persisting Your Whole Life.

So, one says being humble is a good thing. You'll ask more questions and learn more from your peers. Plus there's several talks and studies about how cooperative work is better and how ideas mixing together produces progress and specializations. Great!

On the other hand, being "likely to express guilt, seek reassurance, say negative things about themselves and express insecurity" doesn't sound like positive traits.

Perhaps the real key is the line between being humble and knowing when to step down or submit and being self-depreciating. One handles knowing when to give in, the other is the continual action of bashing yourself internally.

I probably fall into the latter category since there have been so many times in my life where I was absolutely sure of something only to find out it was totally wrong. As a result I tend to also question myself and check other sources and try to think of the other side of the argument. It really helps make sure I don't make stupid mistakes, but at the same time it really takes a toll on my ability to be proactive sometimes. As a weird result, any action I do take tends to feel fairly self-assured, even when they turn out to still be wrong.

Hm.