Things I Learned from Gaming

and should totally apply to real life.

• There are a limited number of stats points you can ever have. Therefore, to be stronger in one area you must be weaker in another. The only way to break this zero-sum game is via loot or raw level ups.
• When all else fails, the nuclear option is a totally acceptable way to demolish the enemy. However, it may require running in a cloaked individual to manually paint the target.
• Red Wunz Go Fastar
• Child Services can warp through walls and take your children if you neglect them enough.
• Children are made via relaxing in your bed under the sheets and showering rose petals over it. And nearly every time you try you will succeed.
• You can meet, become friends, and even marry a person all in one day via talking. A lot of talking. And perhaps some hugging and kissing.
• The more I am promoted, the shorter my hours will become and the greater my weekly pay. That way I have more time and money for recreation.
• Keys are only good for one door.
• Cybernetic implants and upgrades are instantaneous to install or upgrade respectively.
• Use drugs and potions and hypodermic needles as much as you want, you won't become addicted to them. Except that one that increases concentration and relaxes your jitters so you can handle a sniper rifle better.
• If you try really, really hard, you can do anything. Including hurling lighting like William Shatner.
• I can hold a gun perfectly still and hit anything I put under the crosshairs of my sniper rifle.
• Picking up ammo off the ground makes it instantly available to load in full clips into my gun.
• Hiding and resting for a bit will heal me back to full health no matter how close to death I was.
• I can take multiple gunshot wounds, knife cuts, and explosive concussions and still fight at peak efficiency after a quick healing.
• All soldiers can pilot all vehicles.
• Shooting parked cars makes giant fireballs.
• The bigger the sword, the better.
• At the end of my life, I will either get the Mother Theresa ending or the Baby Eater ending.
• All civilization leaders can control on a year-by-year basis production goals and what lands the people work on a per-city basis.
• If I ever sell anything to a shop, I will have to buy it back at a higher price. Similarly if I ever buy anything, I have to sell it back at a lower price.
• All Private Military Companies are evil and will eventually secretly make a bid to take over the world.
• The prevailing religion is actually a front of an evil organization that is taking over the world.
• The current government is corrupt and secretly doing diabolical things such as taking over the world. Or they've taken it over already and you missed out.
• Germans are Nazis and Russian are Commies. And they want to kill you. Shoot on sight.
• Vampires are real. They're just hiding so they can slowly drain your blood.
• Similarly magic is real, but the Technocrats are locking them down.
• Libraries hold tomes of evil that when read will summon eldric horrors into this world. Never ever read a book.
• No matter how untrained you are, ludicrous the weapon, or protected the enemy is, you always have at least a 5% chance of landing a hit.
• I'm Batman.