God's Fortuitous Timing

Yeah, probably could have seen it coming.

T-minus ~7 months

I receive horrendous scores for my TA work. In a discussion with the professor he points out that I tend to have a sarcastic streak and that the students probably take offense, even when I'm flippantly using it for humor. I strive to do better and score awesomely well as a TA the next quarter.

T-minus ~5 months?

Coming back from a retreat I mention that I tend to repetitively analyze what I've done and try to do better next time. My driver Molly asks if this is ever depressing or if I feel like I have a lot of regret, and I reply I think it makes me stronger and I typically don't have a huge amount of regret.

T-minus ~2 months

Small Group Leader retreat. I make a jab about the naming of the pastor's kid, and instantly know I screwed up. He's really gracious about it, taking the blame about snapping back, but I also apologize and note I need to work on being more sensitive. Turns out that was a common theme for that retreat. Again, I strive to do better.

T-minus 15 days

I'm a bit depressed and wonder why. I come to the conclusion that perhaps it is because I over analyze and try to correct myself too much. I'll have to think about this.

T-minus 9 days

It's the day after a wedding and as a family we're having breakfast. Soon the topic turns to the wedding and some of the little details that could have been a bit better. I come to the realization that this is where I got my habit. As a family we always break things down afterwards and figure out the good and how to make better the bad. Makes really good conversation though.

T-minus 4 days

I am having perhaps the busiest week ever. Also, jobs don't appear to be panning out, my research is stuck in a rut, I have a mountain of grading to do, AND I have doubled up homework. Oh, and a retreat is coming up that will take up my weekend, and I have to prepare to lead a Small Group discussion the next week too. Sunday is also shot since I get back from the retreat in the afternoon then need to help run A/V that evening. Also, most of the stuff is due Monday and Tuesday. I start to have physical panic attacks during my sleep and actively do breathing exercises and control my thoughts to get through the day.

T-minus 3-1 days

The retreat is excellent. A common theme starts to pop up starting on the car ride up while I flip through some passages looking for material for the Small Group discussion. I land on Proverbs 3. Later during the Lectio Divina sessions I really connect with the passages about God's authority and ability to do anything and how He wants to be a part of your life. Not to mention the whole "My thoughts are higher than your thoughts" deal. I begin to hand over my life to God and trust in his abilities to guide my life instead of my mad micro-managing. Plus, He's the God of the universe. I'm pretty sure He can handle it. Weirdly, many things start to drop off my docket of things to do at an amazing rate. I stop having panic attacks. I also make a decisive jab at the pastor. Probably poor idea.

T-minus 11 hours

I stupidly post a blog that includes the jab I took over the weekend. I get a kind e-mail going, "Um, dude, not cool" and I promptly zap that portion. Yup, it was extra stupid. The pastor also now wants to share some thoughts and pose to me a challenge later today, probably after the meeting that night. I'm guessing I know what's coming.

T-minus 8 hours

I notice how caustic my lab mates sometimes talk. You have to be right, or else you're doing it wrong. That's... odd. I think about how similar this was to the environment back at Mudd sometimes.

T-minus 0

The evening's message is on the Power of Words. Not only to build people up, but how we can tear people down. Also, we can tear ourselves down as we perpetrate lies about our image of ourselves. I start to have really, really huge "O HAI" warnings going off in my head. Not only is this my problem, it also provides a proactive way to deal with it. Replace my caustic jabs with proactive encouragements. Oh man, this is AWESOME. I get prayer about it afterwards from the speaker.

T-plus 1 hour

The chat with the pastor. He does a clever little correction-via-encouragement-to-do-something-else play. Apparently I'm really observant and really articulate, so I should try to harness my powers for good and articulate good things I see! In the back of my head I'm going, "yeah, I know I'm a moron, please don't sugar coat me this" and promptly yell at myself for having such poor self-image. =p Still, he's right.

T-plus 1 day

The docket of insanity is cleared. In fact, the day was insanely complicated, involving wasting huge amounts of time fixing my bike (who thought having the Bike Barn a 1 minute walk from the Bide Garage was a good idea? It's not like we'd want to get from one to the other to install that part we just bought. Probably stupid admins not giving them enough room), and fixing my coding world leaves me about an hour to prep my Small Group study. I tried the night before, and totally was dry. I said a prayer then and I do it again now. I'm sitting in a Subway, and suddenly I just fire off line after line of thoughts and questions on the passages I picked out over the weekend. It had to be the more instantly inspired things evar. So, somehow with barely any time to spare, I've managed to clear a docket of doom and still get some sleep Monday night. Whoa..... Also, the Small Group is super supportive about my tongue surgery. Heck, one guy even sets up a really neat way to keep me accountable. Gonna need to get a bunch of quarters.

Hindsight:

God lined stuff up good. Not only did He give me a giant "WAKE UP" call to reset my tongue, just prior He also got me to realize I have to rely on Him for my life and to empower me to change. So, a problem and a solution at the same time. Huh. Oh, and God tends to answer prayers in weird ways. The week before, I was feeling depressed a bit and asked for prayer to stay busy so I wouldn't think about being depressed. This turned into the T-minus 4 days entry. Also, a double whammy in a weekend is pretty epic. Not to mention that weekend retreat was at just the right time when I was stretched the farthest and really needed good fun company and a reset with God of sorts.

So yeah. Awesome Stuffs. But it's only the first step.

Catalyst Retreat Write-up

Let's start at the beginning.

At the end of last week (i.e. Friday) I was very, very concerned. I had grading to do, homework, I was slated to run A/V when I got back from the retreat, and I hadn't prepared for the Bible Study I was in charge of for next week. Adding to the mix that most of my weekend would be involved with being in the mountains of Tahoe didn't exactly assuage my time management gremlin. Oh, and I was pretty sleep deprived at this point too.

I was in fact so worked up that I woke up on Thursday and Friday in physical pain. I blame my genetics from my mothers who has similar panic attacks hit. Perhaps the best way to explain it is as if all your stomach muscles decided they wanted to be really, really tight and commence to tie themselves into knots. It is discomforting to say the least.

The ride up was fairly uneventful. Rebecca (aka Becca) was driving, I was introduced to a new gal named Bethany, but I also had a headache and tried to get a bit of sleep. We listened to some music and Bill Cosby stand-ups once the conversation stalled, and due to stuff playing it never started up again. Note to self, if you want conversations, intentionally play background music in your ride.

We arrived a little early for dinner. Actually, dinner was running late. Turns out one of our ovens didn't work. Hard to cook pizzas that way. Joey was super excited that he now had a copy of Agricola, and wanted to teach a bunch of us. We never had everyone together to learn. By the end of the weekend, he only got to play 1 game that I know of, and it was only a 2-player game. Joey was kinda bummed.

That evening we had our first lesson in how to practice Lectio Divina. It's a method of Quiet Time based from the monastic periods of Europe. At its core it is about trying to meditate and listen for God to speak to you. Turns out this can be really, really hard. Being a Christian who has grown up in the church I have heard scores of sermons and lessons on nearly every topic and book in the Bible. So, I can easily latch onto a word or phrase that speaks to me, but then I start to connect it to other verses or sayings and try to determine a meaning and application right away. Nope. Lectio Divina involved meditating for a few minutes on just one thing, then waiting a few minutes in silence listening. We did it in a group setting this first evening, hearing Isaiah 55:8-13 being read while we sat in the dark with candles illuminating the room. I was struck by parts of the passage speaking about the authority of God and how His Word will do its purpose. In short, God is in control and can do anything. The real question is, why aren't you letting Him guide your life since He knows so much more and wants to give you the best life He can.

Free time that evening was mostly a bit of chatting. After we arranged sleeping quarters, making sure to have an open bed for Peter who was coming in late, we hit the sacks. Peter came in and work me up. Mind you, it didn't take much to wake me up. I was a bit wired and still freaking out a bit, so it was a very restless night.

Woke up the next day a tad early to help bake cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Remember, one oven is on the fritz. It also so happens this oven was in the girl's cabin, where meals were served. So, boy's cabin pitched in to help bake rolls early in the morn. I was pretty much in zombie mode.

Morning Lectio Divina is solo. I go outside and try to read a portion of Isaiah, but the wind flips the page. I end up reading that section instead (a portion of Isaiah 44:6-8). I am again struck by God's authority and power and strength. Sufficiency in Christ. I'm sensing a common thread. In fact, I even got a bit angry during this session going, "I already know this, tell me something I don't know!" The nagging in my head responds, "If you know so much, why aren't you living it out?"

From about 9am to 3:30pm we are put to manual labor. The cabins used to be privately owned, and people would store stuff under the cabins. However, the Fire Marshall isn't too happy about this. So, we have volunteered to help haul all this stuff down the hill. My first major task was climbing around in one of the cabins (#83) with Steph and yanking out all the wood and debris left in there over the years. Natalie was also aiding in the piling and hauling of our stuff. With all the loose dirt, my face mask was a nice dark hue by the end of it. I had a few panic attacks in the cramped spaces as I tried to stay scrunched down and balance myself, not from claustrophobia.

I then helped out for the rest of the day mostly hauling stuff down. Others were involved in handing things from basement to outside, hauling, and helping sort items. I was pretty tired by the end, and I'm sure everyone else was too. At the same time, we found some really neat stuff. Several very good conditions cots were recovered. We found several tools, and David even took home an ax we found. Lots of old fiberglass insulation. However, the bulk of the items were wood. Which, in some ways, is a good thing since it's Tahoe and you burn what you can get when it gets chilly. All my clothes from that period were dusty and grimy, so I took a shower and changed into another set.

Until dinner at 6pm it was free time. We had been lucky for the beginning of the day, but in the afternoon a light drizzle started up. Common things included trips down to the lake, playing random word games like the Catch Phrase Joey brought, and some music playing provided by Landon and Song-Shin (I think that's how you spell it). I managed to trudge through all of the grading I had brought. This elicited a few comments about TAs and how weird it was to think about me as a TA or how terrible it is that I actually care about the students when some of use don't care about the homework and just want to get it done.

Matt went fishing with Hannah. Hannah caught the biggest fish of the trip only using her Disney Princess pole.

Dinner was tasty pasta. Props to the cooks.

Evening session involved another group Lectio Divina session. This time the passage was on the passage about the vine and branches. Landon stole my main verse about branches being unable to produce fruit on their own, but I also was really into the part about how God prunes the branches that produce fruit. It means even if you're doing well, troubling times will come, but it isn't random punishment it is intended for growth and nourishment and refinement. Again, God meddling with my life for my own good. Dangit. I like having control of my life. I like to think I have it all together, that I'm executing my master plan on my own time, and it is my intellect that got me out of that sticky situation and solved that one annoying problem.

We do a few rounds of Sardines, then break into free time. Turns out the wood was producing too much smoke and the flue wasn't catching it all, so the second story of the girl's cabin was a bit... smoky. We also decked ourselves out in glowsticks and had a mini party. Then smores. Then a game called Families. I stunk at it. Then Beth taught us a Drama game called Tree. That was epic. Here are a few example scenes: A whale chasing Krill a la Nemo (Krill go Eeeeeeee!). Jiminy Cricket being squashed by someone. Dirt on a wall being cleaned. Jesus breaking bread (Sara cried out in pain as she was broken). A sidewalk, with a crack, with some gum in the crack. An angry mom asking why there is a keg in the house. Steph being rolled around as a dead fish by water. Danielle as a bouncer punching a minor trying to sneak into the club, and then getting attacked by the kid's mother. Pretty much epic.

I slept soundly that night.

Next morning was a light breakfast, individual Lectio Divina, some sharing, then clean-up. Rain was finally coming down in steady streams, making things a tad interesting. I am so thankful in my investment in water-proof hiking boots. They have served me so well over the years. Danielle and Bethany (newly minted awesome buddies just over the weekend) reveled in the rain singing Disney songs and standing on a rock. Photos were taken and we prepared to drive home.

On the way back we reverted back into playing Contact. Turns out Bethany has played and loves almost every party game ever, including Contact, the Cup Game, and many others. We played Contact from Tahoe all the way back to Davis. I lost a letter because I couldn't remember poinsettia. =p Also, the car almost overheated as we climbed the ridge. Once again props to Becca for driving mastery, even in the pouring rain.

Perhaps the most important part of the whole thing, besides hanging out and getting to know some truly awesome people, was realizing just how much God was in control. Or, rather, how much I should be relying on God being in control instead of trying to line it all up myself. It really took a weight off my life, and I'm quite sure everything will manage to work out and I won't crash on Wednesday and sleep the whole day away. 99% sure. But still, going into the retreat I was almost freaking out emotionally and physically. This came just at the right time to re-align me. Funny how God works sometimes.

Oh, and poor Joey and Peter and their inability to play games they wanted to play. Like Agricola and BANG! for Joey. Or Nerds for Peter. I kinda wanted to play Nerds. I'm guessing my dexterity is pretty crummy now though. I think this is why I don't typically try to organize games but will play pretty much any game others are playing.

This has been yet another gloriously poorly written brain dump while sleep deprived.

HoN vs LoL (vs DotA) v2

This is an updated version of a previous post comparing League of Legends (LoL), Heroes of Newerth (HoN), and Defense of the Ancients (aka DotA) (or DotA vs LoL, or LoL vs DotA, or... you get the idea). A few new things have come around over the past months, and I wanted to make the guide easier for new players who have no idea what DotA is. So, if you are deciding which to play as a DotA vet or have just heard about these guys, read on. Brief description of the DotA genre in a bit.

Heroes of Newerth

League of Legends

Oh yeah, they're badass.

td;dr recommendation: LoL is probably better for the new player. HoN is excellent for pro gamers looking for an almost perfect clone of DotA, but on a better engine and lots of shiny features. DotA is for those who love the HUGE number of heroes its amassed, enjoy the comforts of knowing every detail, or just don't want to shell out money for something they already have (and love). That being said, I think putting money into either HoN or LoL is definitely worth the investment. Also, Icefrog apparently is heading up a team at Valve to make a new version of DotA so perhaps you could just wait a bit...

If you care about which is more popular, as it stands, LoL is currently edging out HoN as the DotA successor, at least according to the press released data of how many active players there are. Most attribute this to easier access to new players and that they recently have been doing a superb publicity drive showing up at several game expos including PAX and being one of the games at WCG, being the best DotA-esque game from PC Gamer, oh and 5 awards from the Game Developer's Conference including the Online Popularity one. Granted, some also argue that the Wii is popular as heck but that doesn't make it good.

Brief Description of the Game

The best way to describe DotA (and thus HoN and LoL) is a RPG condensed into about 40 minutes. You start at Lv1 and grow in power, get gold, buy items, and vanquish enemies until you eventually storm the enemy fortress and blow up their headquarters. While this is going on, you have lanes where helpers called creep charge out of your base and try to get to the enemy base. However, since the opposing team is doing the same thing, they clash in the lanes alongside heroes like yourself. Of course, these broad paths are only part of the map, the rest hidden in fog where monsters (and maybe enemy heroes) lurk that you can kill for more gold and experience. Kill enemies to gain gold, experience, and make them wait to respawn at their base, missing out on stopping your glorious rampage.

Pick from a variety of heroes. Are you an assassin from afar? A beefy tank who can soak up damage? Maybe someone who spew fireballs and lighting, or throws hexes than stun enemies and buffs your teammates. Perhaps you can burrow through the ground, or can strike any point on the map with ease. Are you powered by the Gods? Or something more... sinister?

Work as a team to kill, level, gather gold and items and buffs, and crush your way to victory.

Feature-by-Feature Analysis

Developers

DotA- A long history of developers starting with Guinsoo and leading up to Icefrog as the current leader. Always been a one-man job, but what wonders they have done with the WC3 engine.

HoN-S2 Games. Same group that made Savage and Savage 2, a multiplayer RPG/RTS game. Overall a solid bunch with successful (albeit perhaps not AAA) games under their belts.

LoL-Riot Games. Includes Steve “Guinsoo” Feak, original DotA All-Stars pusher, as well as other huge competitive gaming balancers, gamers, coders, and Steve “Pendragon” Mescon who started DotA-Allstars.com. Plus a guy I used to game with. He kicked my butt. And now another classmate of mine.

Cost to Play/Purchase

DotA-Whatever you paid for WC3. So, effectively free.

HoN-Single $30 USD payment up front, unlimited access.

LoL-Free to play (with possible microtransistions). There are two meta-game currencies. Influence Points (IP) are gained via playing the game. Riot Points (RP) are bought using real money. Heroes are unlockable via either, and there are always 10 free heroes available. The 10 free ones rotate periodically. Summoner Runes, minor meta boosts, are only purchased via IP. Cosmetic skins and temporary boosters that boost IP or XP gain are bought via RP. There is also a summoner level determined by XP, and XP is only gained by playing. Higher level means you can use more runes and unlocks different summoner spells. You need to be lv12 to unlock all the summoner spells.

Popularity

DotA-While the big king back in the day, the playerbase is shrinking as people move to HoN or LoL.

HoN-Gets steady growth, especially from Europe. Midday peaks around 40,000 online players, at night around 20,000. Up from a peak of only 20,000 when it left the free Beta.

LoL-No released number of player stats, but a press release recently mentioned for about a year the online active players was doubling about every 3 months. That's some serious growth. It seems like LoL is winning the popularity war. Oh, and it won 5 Game Developers Conference awards in 2010 including the Online Audience award (i.e. the popularity contest).

Ratings and Matchmaking

DotA-None inherent, but I applaud the efforts of groups like Throneit who try to add it in.

HoN-Each account has persistent global stats tracking kills, deaths, assists, gold/min, xp/min, and many other factors. Each player has a Pub Skill Rating (PSR) and a Single Matchmaking Rating (SMR) which are used to balance games. Only single player matchmaking available at this time. Does not account for sets of players having better teamwork when playing together. IN fact, it's a common joke that all we want for Christmas is Team Matchmaking.

LoL-There are persistent summoner stats like summoner level and total games won that are visible to everyone. As a player you can see more detailed information about yourself. Your actual ELO rating, used to do matchmaking, is hidden from the player. Ladder ELOs are visible. Team and solo matchmaking available, and algorithms are employed to compensate for a team of players having inherently better teamwork are used to keeps things fair.

Game Types

DotA-All Pick, Single Draft, Banning Pick, WTF Mode....

HoN-Supports all the game types of DotA. All Pick, Single Draft, Banning Draft, etc. Plus some of the wackier ones, like allowing Repeat heroes.

LoL-Currently only supports Blind Picking in generic games. Within a team, no repeats and you can't see what the other team is picking. Within a game, you could have same hero on both sides. This is because not all players have the same pool of heroes to pick from, unlike HoN. For Ladders, they have a clever way to allow picking strategies and counter pick enemy team lineups via a method similar to Banning Pick. They assume since you have to be Lv30 to do this you should have a decent pool of heroes to use.

Creep Denies

DotA-By attacking your own "creeps" or minions when they are low on health, it can "deny" the enemy experience and the chance to kill it themselves. Killing enemy creeps with your attack gains extra gold.

HoN-Same as in DotA.

LoL-Removed to put greater emphasis on pushing forward with creeps and not tower hugging, i.e. keep denying your own creeps to cause the creeps to fight close to your tower, and let the tower protect you from early attacks.

Hero Stats and Item Boosts

DotA-Primary stats: Strength, Agility, Intelligence. These influence secondary stats like attack damage, health, attack speed, mana pool, mana regeneration, etc. You can also buy items to directly influence secondary stats and give new abilities (such as lifesteal). Abilities don't scale with stats, except one item can boost some heroes' spells, so typically late game heroes are more stat reliant, especially on agility heroes since Agility gives them attack speed, damage, and armor bonuses making them damage machines and still able to take a bit of a beating. Since stats influence multiple secondary attributes, including damage dealt and hit points, and primary stats are gained by leveling up, there is a natural progression of the hero. Conversely, high damage spell heroes are more powerful early and mid game since they can put out high amounts of damage quickly without purchasing items, but since they output fixed amounts of damage and everyone's health pools go up, they lose effectiveness.

HoN-Same as DotA.

LoL-No underlying stats. Purchase items to directly increase damage, health, attack speed, etc. You can buy items to give new abilities (such as lifesteal). You can also purchase items for Ability Points (AP) which can scale up the effectiveness of your abilities. Thus, ability dependent heroes can scale up to remain powerful in the late game. Several items can be purchased to reduce ability cooldowns, which is unique from DotA and HoN. This means hard carries have a harder time wiping the entire enemy team by themselves because everyone can get items to scale up every aspect of their character, be it HP, Armor, Damage, etc. It is still possible to take a team one-on-five, but they really have to run away with the game and they tend to work alongside support, ability carries, and tanks. On level up individual stats are boosted to create a natural progression.

Death Recap

DotA-You'rd dead. Wait for respawn or buy back from the fountain.

HoN-You're dead. How nice.

LoL-On death, provides a Death recap where you can see what/who dealt the damage, what items they had, what abilities did what damage. Nice way to understand how you just died, and something to look at while dead. There is no buy back system to spend money and instantly revive.

Item Purchases

DotA-While outside of base, you can purchase items and they instantly go to your Stash. Your Stash acts as a kind of locker where you can store extra items to pick up later or because you're out of room and might want it at a later time. Local shops in the map such as the Secret Shot and the Outpost have special more advanced items or provide a quick place to grab assorted items respectively. You can buy items while dead, but cannot sell. Can drop and share items with your team. Can purchase recipes as individual items. Larger number of recommended items to fit the variety of builds. Some hotkeys that help make item purchases quick.

HoN-Exactly like DotA. Better hotkeys.

LoL-Only able to purchase and sell while in the fountain or dead. Cannot drop items. No stash. If you are out of inventory room, you must either sell another item or purchase an advanced item made up of several pieces. Buying an item also buys all components if you can afford it, including the recipe. You cannot buy a recipe without the needed components. Easier to navigate item purchase UI to find an item with certain attributes. Only 6 recommended items making the build simpler, but not as flexible. No hotkeys, at least easily visible.

Gold and Kills/Deaths

DotA-Bonus gold for stopping an enemy hero's killing streak. You lose gold on death if you have gold to lose. Bonus gold for getting killing blow on creeps. Team gets gold for tower kills.

HoN-Same as DotA.

LoL-Even more bonus gold to stopping a killing streak than HoN (up to 1000). Do not lose gold on death. Bonus gold for getting killing blow on creeps. More creeps per wave than HoN. Team gold for tower kills. Team gold for killing the Dragon.

Hero Spells

DotA-A mix of hard hitting, high cost, debilitating spells, AoE, single target, spammable, buff, etc. spells just like DotA. Basically, if you think of a spell, DotA probably has it. Including one where you drag your opponent behind you. You get 4 spells to level up to lv3 each, and 10 levels of taking a bonus of +2 to each base stat (STR/INT/AGI).

HoN-Pretty much what DotA does.

LoL-Similar mix, but there is tends to be less stun durations, more slows, lower mana costs, lower cooldowns, and higher mana pools. This means for any character you don't have to have a full mana pool to do you spell combination. That being said, a full spell combo doesn't guarantee insta kills as easily (*cough* Deadwood *cough*), but there are still some powerful spike damage assassin characters. Plus, stacking huge amounts of AP can still give some heroes an insta kill combo. Oddly, some heroes don't have a mana pool. Some either spend health, spend from a smaller (but faster regenerating) pool called Stamina, and some merely have cooldowns. You get 3 normal spells that you can level up to lv5 and your ultimate that you can level up to lv3. There is no option to buy stats on leveling.

Fog of War

DotA-Cannot see higher ground. Juke through narrow gaps in forest trees. Need to learn where all the juke points are on the map. Miss chance attacking unit on higher ground. Cutting down trees potentially strategic to open new paths or remove abilities cast on trees.

HoN-5v5 Maps is almost perfect close of DotA's except for a few juke points. However, they've been able to manipulate a few things to prevent weird behavior and to make life easier for some things like neutral creeps being stackable and the like.

LoL-Uses tall grass, aka Brush to break line of sight instead. While inside the brush, players outside the brush cannot see you. Once inside the brush, you can see other units in the brush. This provides juke points that are clearly shown on the map. No miss chance for attacking units on higher ground. Cannot see up to higher ground, and higher vs. lower ground regions reduced. Cannot modify map, unfortunately.

Runes vs. Glyphs

DotA-Copies HoN. No, wait...

HoN-Uses DotA runes in the river that spawn and can be picked up. Several types: Invisibility, Double Damage, Illusions, Regeneration, Haste. Can bottle runes to save for later and refill the Bottle.

LoL-Certain creep camps have special glyphs. These creeps spawn at the same spots and there is one set (2 creep camps) per forest. On killing that creep, you gain that glyph. If an enemy hero kills you while you have that buff, they steal the buff instead. Three types: Attack and HP regen bonus, Mana Regen and Ability Cooldown bonus, uber bonus from killing the Uber Creep (only 1 Uber creep on the map).

Minimap/Map Features

DotA-Uses the WC3 engine's pings. You can tell your friends stuff, and maybe even make them pretty colors.

HoN-Supports pings. Shows where players are teleporting to via Homecoming Stones (TP scrolls).

LoL-Supports Pings. Draws your intended path via pathfinding on the minimap over long distances. Can target and mark enemy heroes and enemy towers to have team focus them down, and highlight friendly towers to defend. Marking also shows up as a ping on minimap and in team chat. Definitely helpful to compensate for lack of voice chat.

Map Teleportation

DotA-Use Teleport Scrolls to warp to any friendly building. Also a specific version of Boots allows teleportation to any non-hero friendly unit.

HoN-Use Homecoming Stones to warp to any friendly building. Also a specific version of Boots allows teleportation to any non-hero friendly unit. (sound familiar?)

LoL-All summoners have the innate Recall spell. After the cast time, immediately return to the fountain. During cast time, any damage taken stops the spell. You can also take a summoner spell Teleport to teleport to any friendly non-hero unit/building. No consumable warp item.

Unit Control

DotA-Select as many units as you can and control them as a giant blob of death. Or tab through them to fire individual spells. Mmmm minions. Mmmm heroes who's whole job is get and then run around with 5+ minions...

HoN-Like Dota, can select and control as many units as you can.

LoL-Can only directly select own hero. Other minions can be directed to attack something or move, but cannot not directly controlled via selecting them. However, if you start to run away or move somewhere or attack something, they typically will follow your lead. Granted, this makes running away and letting your minion do all the attacking for you a tad hard.

Jungling

Definition: When a hero doesn't stay in the lane and instead goes around killing neutral creeps. Potentially lower XP gain, but overall team XP and gold gain goes up provided the extra solo lane doesn't die horribly against the two enemy heroes.

DotA-Potentially amazing. Heck, some heroes seem designed with this job in mind. With careful timing you can pull these monsters into your lane to slow down your creeps, helping keep the action near your tower where it's safer. Plus, if you time it right, you can pull the creeps out far enough so that the game thinks it's OK to spawn more creeps there, thus doubling (or more depending on how many times you do it) your XP and gold gain. Sometimes done by another player or by a minion to get it ready for your team's carry to clear out in one shot and reap the benefits.

HoN-Like in DotA, a powerful strategy for certain heroes. Can use Creep Pulling to slow down team's creep waves and to help tank neutral creep damage.

LoL-Jungling has much lower gold payout than laning and will leave you a level or two behind the rest of the team. Requires specific summoner spells to perform properly on most heroes. Low GP payout. Still, in theory allows two solo lanes to gain levels and gold more efficiently as a whole team. No creep pulling into team's creeps, but can pull into brush to hide that you're killing the creep.

Uber Creeps

DotA-Roshan. Kill him to drop the Aegis, which will revive the hero when they die. Also, bonus gold for your entire team. Kinda awesome. Maxed out teams kill it with ease. However, you are in a vulnerable spot on the map making ambushes oh so tasty.

HoN-Kongor. Once killed, drops Token of Life. The hero that has this, when killed, instantly respawns. Huge gold bonus for entire team. Melee only neutral creep. Again, maxed out teams kill it with ease, and again you're right in the middle of the map.

LoL-Baron. Once killed, all heroes on the team get uber buff. Not transferable to enemy team on death. Hefty damage, movespeed, and regeneration boost. Some gold bonus to entire team. Mostly melee but also creates spouts of acid and has ranged rain that fall on heroes. Spouts are dodgeable, making it a bit like a MMO boss fight. Even at max level Baron can sometimes take a team down to half health, making them perfect targets for an ambush by the enemy team. Not quite the middle of the map, but pretty ambush-able.

Consumables

DotA-Eat a tree for HP. Drink a potion for mana. Vision wards and ward that reveal invisible units but have a small vision range on their own. Teleporting Scrolls.

HoN-All the usuals from DotA. Healing items, mana restoration, map teleportation, and vision wards.

LoL-Healing and mana regen items are still in the game, and the mana one doesn't dispell upon taking damage. Vision and anti-invis wards available. Also introduces several buff potions that last for a set period of time, including one that gives True Sight revealing invisible heroes until you die. Takes the place of the Gem of True Sight/Bound Eye used in DotA/HoN.

Replays and Spectators

DotA-Available. You just have to use WC3's horrible interface.

HoN-Available, and there's even a mod that makes the UI extra awesome for spectators and video commentators.

LoL-Not available (yet). There is a weird hack that lets in a single spectator, but the UI is kinda meh and no replays makes this an annoying endeavor.

Competitive Scene

DotA-Giant tournaments and cash prizes, including being one almost every major gaming circuit. However, it feels like this has been drying up recently.

HoN-Almost weekly HONCAST.com tournaments, and several huge prize tourneys have already been played. With the spectator and replay features, shoutcasting is easy and fun to watch. Plus, they are the game of choice at Dreamhack, one of the Largest Euro LAN events, and have a league going on in the newly rebooted Cyberathele Amateur League.

LoL-Several tournaments occurring, but less notoriety of individual games due to the lack of integrated spectator modes and replays. Thus, no live streams nor game commentary outside of fraps captured gameplay videos. There is currently a special hack that allows a "spectator" to watch the game, providing a few casts and replays to be found in the web now. Recently Season One, based on their Laddering system, finished up at the WCG for massive prizes. Also, several other groups have had LoL tournaments, including PAX.

In-game Voice Chat

DotA-Ahahahahahahaha. No. Use Ventrilo/Teamspeak/Mumble/Skype/etc.

HoN-Supports both whole team and local voice chat (i.e. only to nearby friendly heroes). Still waiting for global so you yell at the enemy team.

LoL-Not available (yet). Use Ventrilo/Teamspeak/Mumble/Skype/etc.

Leavers, Surrender, Kick, etc.

DotA-Bnet is stupid. However, using a cool tool called Banlist lets you monitor if that guy that just joined is a jerk who is a known leaver and ruiner of games. Drop out of a game, you can't come back.

HoN-No longer supports kicking except for idlers, but still supports Remaking a game, Surrendering, Pausing the Game, and maintaining a personal Banlist. You can rejoin games you left, as long as you rejoin within 5 minutes of game time. Also, heroes left by a leaving player can be controlled by a teammate, but rarely are.

LoL-Supports Surrendering. If a player leaves a bot takes control of the hero and tries to teleport them back to the fountain. You can rejoin games within a reasonable time.

Modability

DotA-Lots of WC3 engine hacks like Banlist and Voice Overlay, but not really that moddable.

HoN-Very open API, and some stellar mods. I personally have 5 different mods for my HoN client, so you can change the UI to your whims making it simpler or more complex.

LoL-None, except perhaps the hack to allow an observer.

Spell Range UI

DotA-Sorta not really. Mostly only AoE shown.

HoN-AoE area shown, but no range markers. Can mod in ability range displays.

LoL-Range, cones, AoE Area, all shown.

Team info. at a Glance

DotA-None.

HoN-Hotbar shows team heroes' HP, Mana, all abilities whether ready, on cooldown or not enough mana. Can also see how many points are spent in which abilities on teammates.

LoL-Hotbar shows team heroes' HP, Mana, and if their ultimate is ready.

Final Recommendations:

If you are a DotA veteran and only want to play more DotA, Heroes of Newerth is solid. It's basically DotA, but with better UI and way better engine. Plus, no BattleNet. It also tends to feel more frantic and visceral due to the extremely influential spells and grittier graphics. The purchase unlocks everything all at once, no grinding to unlock heroes and plenty of game modes to play them in. If you do some advanced forum hunting you can also modify your UI in wonderful ways to give you every bit of information you wanted, on the screen where you want it. Some may balk at the $30 price tag, but I think it's worth it. It appears the community is growing slowly and in the evening on the West Coast there's usually around 20,000 players online.

If you thought DotA was awesome but the core mechanics could use a bit of tweaking or are a new player to the scene, League of Legends is the way to go. Much better UI to find items, great overlays, and the Death Recaps ease newbies in. Plus, the limited number of available heroes at the start lets you become familiar with them instead of trying to learn 80+ all at once. The persistent summoner with levels and runes also adds a bit of progression keeping you looking to grow as a player even more. Don't worry, summoner stuff only accounts for about 10% of the battle. Hero choices are another 20-30%. The rest is skill. It also currently has superior (i.e. team) matchmaking capabilities. Plus, you can't argue with free. It's also winning the popularity war, so if you want to join the teeming masses LoL is the way to go.

Granted, if you're a DotA vet, that means you already have DotA. So, why spend money on a new game? You already know everything about DotA, and DotA currently offers way more heroes than either HoN or LoL (but they're catching up soon). So, while I have kissed DotA goodbye and never looked back, maybe that's your fit. Or you're just waiting for Icefrog's Valve version.

I will continue to play HoN and LoL for now mostly playing with friends from each side.

First Week Rush

It's the first week of classes here at UC Davis.

OK, that's not completely true. It's the first week where classes can meet, but classes only started Thursday.

The week is more commonly known as Welcome Week, or Week 0. This is the first week freshman are on campus. As a result, walking around there are groups EVERYWHERE that want to give you stuff and tell you about their awesome organization. Even more fun is that since I'm asian I don't look as old as I am, so I've been approached by some people who thought I was a freshman. I guess I just don't have the downtrodden grad student stride just yet and have too much optimistic naive bounce to my step.

Highlights of the week included meeting a lot of really cool people. We had a meet-up after one event to play board games, except we only played BANG! For those who don't know what BANG! is, it is a card game in the vein of mafia, but set in a spaghetti western where everyone is shooting everyone, but miraculously you might dodge the bullets, and indians might arrive from the hills trying to hurt everyone. I also had a really revealing discussion with a Muslim student who originally grew up Catholic and then converted. She had some very interesting views and some very thoughtful questions that I will have to research a bit. Friday was The Buzz which is a generic free-for-all of goodies and bands, and stuff to do in the Quad. We got free henna. Apparently my ability to make curvy lines is a natural gift or something. I thought my job looked like crap compared to what others were doing.

Perhaps the most fun is that I have to decide which course to take this quarter. I am doing research and am a TA again. However, I wanted to throw in a class to keep myself on my toes a bit. So, I get to decide between Error Correcting Codes (ECC), Operating Systems (OS), and iPad development. ECC is all about how we make sure wireless transmissions work and are not corrupted, a really useful skill since wireless applications are a booming industry. OS deals with understanding how something like Windows or Linux works, which would be really helpful to understand for programming. iPad development just sounds cool. But I am probably not going into Apple development. Then again, I have a few fun friends in that class that I wouldn't mind working with. That's not to say I don't have friends in the other classes. My housemate is taking ECC, and I know several students in OS as well. At the end of the day, the "safest" route would be to take ECC, sit in on OS, and watch from afar iPad. Then again, who said taking the safe path was the best choice in life.

Overall, life has gotten really interesting these last few weeks. We'll see how well I survive this quarter. God willing.

Inceptionauts+BIG BANG

Psychonauts + Inception Trailer = AMAZING!!!

Minor potential spoilers involved from the game, but I recommend you watch it anyways.

You should probably play Psychonauts. The last level is painful, but if you stick with it the ending is sooooo good.

Also, OMG THESE GUYS ARE EPIC. Stop motion of amazing.

Yeah, I have nothing interesting to say this week.

Dear Diary 09/12/10

Dear Diary,

Here's what I did today:

• I didn't sleep well. Weird dreams about trying to find a place to sleep for the year, Bishop and Kwang and a bunch of Mudders were involved. The suite was a weird twisted version of an Atwood suite, except with a built-in kitchen. I blame stress, playing Alien Swarm too late at night, and the fact that the air conditioner got turned off so I was hot.
• Woke up early to help run A/V at church.
• Totally ate it on my bike while crossing an intersection. Bruised my shin, scraped my knee (was wearing pants), and wounded my pride in front of the one car on the streets at 7:30am on a Sunday.
• Ran A/V for the three services. A few times I totally botched it, other times I just fired the slide too soon. Or perhaps that's just my OCD kicking in.
• Helped break down the stage. We're getting new curtains for the stage to help the acoustics and to modernize the look.
• Headed home for lunch.
• Turned in my availability for A/V for the next two months so my manager can schedule us.
• Won a game of League of Legends. Yay Taric.
• Met up with rides to head to a planning event for Catalyst.
• Learned about the nuances of girls' swimwear, including mixing and matching and bringing extra sets depending on what's going on.
• Discussed how to make people feel welcome. Making an effort to connect with people and make new friends was a huge theme. Also, avoid cliques and gushing/catching up with friends from last year.
• Used a drill press to widen holes in hinges.
• Drilled holes to help make those wooden poster thingies. I think Matt called them sandwich boards since they sit outside delis mentioning the special sandwiches. Except those have chalk boards on them, we just painted these.
• Got eaten alive by bugs while painting the boards.
• Got a ride home.
• Setup a new "Limited" list of people I know on Facebook. That way I can stay "Facebook Friends" with them, but they can't see my status updates, pictures, and other stuff. Credit to Sara for the idea.
• Finally resolved the sounds card issue I've had for the last week by turning off the sound card and switching to the integrated chip on my motherboard. I should pull out the card to save energy.
• Showered.
• Wrote this entry.

Overall, not bad.

Still haven't figured out that problem I had for research when I left on Friday.

Totally Sinister

Recently I was escorted to a private, undisclosed, private location deep in the mountains for an extremely exclusive invitation-only conference. There I spent the night amongst peers as we conferred with each other about various things. We were trained how to obtain our goals. We brainstormed what entices people to join us and what causes them to stick around. We mapped out agendas and ran scenarios. We learned both subtle and overt tricks to bend others to our wills without them realizing as well a mitigating problems that may arise. We attended lectures, and had time alone to contemplate. We partitioned the potential victims amongst ourselves to maximize our success rates. We even performed several rites and rituals.

This wasn't a Satanic cult meeting. Nor was it for the Illuminati. It wasn't a secret GOP nor Democrat conference. I haven't become a secret agent, nor am I an eldritch wizard.

This was simply Bible Study Leadership training.

Turns out you can make pretty much anything sound super evil and sinister. After all, most private training events pretty much cover everything I just listed. You go to learn to maximize your goals, plans are laid out, you may have lectures, certain rites may be performed, and you in general learn the tricks of your trade. Groups of individuals typically have a goal in mind and they plan to reach that goal in the most efficient way possible.

That doesn't mean there is an evil conspiracy lurking trying to take over the world.

Similarly, I am not sure why several people seem to think all corporations are evil or that the government is out to ruin the average person. That would kinda be bad for business/re-election.

What is Love?

I recently was asked the question: what is love?

I honestly could not answer. I have never been in a dating relationship nor am I married, so I couldn't try to describe it from personal experience in those areas. Most of the love I have experienced is either via family or what I discern from other sources.

Historically the Greeks actually have four words for love. Storge is natural affection, typically between family members. Philia is for friendship and "brotherly love." Eros is passionate love, reserved for a desire. It covers dating and marriage, and is not necessarily sexual. Then there is Agape. This is true love. Not just mere attraction, but a deep unconditional commitment love. Modern Biblical scholars point out that Agape is used heavily in the Bible to describe the love of God has for us. For this discussion, let us focus on having Agape love.

Here are a few fall-back cliches about love from different realms:

• As a gamer: Love is a status flag you can be in with another character. You gain it probably by saying the right things and doing the right actions. You will have to show interest in the other person, but if you perform enough positive actions, they automatically fall for you.
• As a scientist: Love is the biochemical cocktail of emotions that are triggered via memory, circumstance, and self-designed conceptions of your environment. There may be ways to influence the reaction to another person via hormones, pheromones, and perhaps there are latent DNA encodings about what we feel are a good mate to fall in love with.
• As a philosopher: Love is a state of being. A connection perhaps. Or maybe it's a kind of disciplined reaction you train yourself to have in reaction to another particular person. It may be a kind of mystical force unknown yet by science. Perhaps the universe conspires to match certain individuals (soul mates). Or perhaps it's just jumbled hormones and we "settle" for someone we can obtain.
• As a romantic: Love is getting struck by lightning and falling back in love every day and every second.
• As a cynic: Love is random firings of your brain that get you in trouble.
• As a Christian: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Also, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" - John 3:16.
• From the Cartoons:

• A friend's answer: "Love is an unconditional commitment to the good of another person."
• From the movies: "When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part." - Captain Corelli's Mandolin
• From a Romantic Comedy: Love is something that just kinda happens but then the universe conspires against them.

It's a tricky question to say the least. Really we would like to think it's more than just emotions or that you can buy love by spending enough time and doing the right things. As a society we seem to enshrine love as one of those pure, good emotions that everyone should experience but so few get. It is also one of those emotions that we are allowed to get caught up and get lost within. It is definitely a good thing.

Yet for some reason it is really hard to nail down, at least in my mind, what love is. One problem is it is not just an emotion. You do not just feel love and get warm and fuzzy. Love has an action component. You are supposed to act out in love. You are supposed to engage with the person you love, and let the bond of love grow and prosper. It has investment and tangible results. Getting married and spending your life together is supposed to be the end result of love. You have to declare love. You don't have to declare, say, being happy. It is perfectly fine to keep being happy locked up inside. Yet love is supposed to have an outer appearance.

Even if we strip it down to just an emotion, it isn't a simple emotion. There is an underlying assumption that it can last. Real love weathers the good and the bad. It acts as a secure anchor. The solidity of love is what distinguishes it from just a passing fancy. However, it also has a very wild side to it. It can completely change your perspective on things, and sometimes make you do things that normally are neither healthy nor in your own best interest. Yet you do them anyways because you are in love. It is a common trope to give your life away in the name of love.

Then again, perhaps there isn't a perfect answer. Perhaps love really is what you make of it. It has so many facets it's really quite unique and plays out differently amongst different individuals.

I think for now I'll settle somewhere between my friend's definition and a deep emotional response. Then again, I'm sure actually falling in love one day will change my life's perspective.

The Fascination with Being Right

In a recent revelation I discovered I tend to like being right.

I like to state things as if they were truly hard cold facts even if they are based on assumptions or guesswork.

I enjoy lording my intellect over others and find it my duty to correct wrong notions and continue to spread knowledge and truth.

In fact, I am so infatuated with it and my awesome abilities of self-awareness, I'm declaring it a fact RIGHT NOW. (whoa, got kinda meta there)

I don't think this is an isolated incident. I think we all like being right. There is a certain sense of authority to being right. Being assertive means you can take control of the situation, take command of the conversation, and center all attention to your awesomeness.

Unfortunately, overstating how right you are tends to have a few downsides. For one thing, you might start to think that you are actually always right all the time. Which you aren't. Plus, those that do know better might be afraid to correct you since you are so sure that you are right. Being thought of as cocky and obvious are also poor interpretations of your awesome rightness.

Here are some way to tell if this is affecting you:

1. Do you tend to state an opinion of yours as fact?
2. Do you have to have the last word in a discussion/argument?
3. Do you make you job to prevent misunderstandings?
4. Do you nitpick about small details in someone else's story as they tell it by interrupting them?
5. Do you sometimes feel the need to return to a prior spot in the conversation where someone was incorrect?
6. Do you often wish more people would speak up and correct you when you are unintentionally wrong?
7. Is there uncomfortable silence after you finish talking?

I have no idea how to fix this. Except maybe making sure I shut up more often.

You Are Hanging Out With Someone

that you haven't seen in a really long time.

Suddenly, they say, "You know something? You haven't changed a bit."

This happened to me. I wanted to strangle that person.

"What do you mean I haven't changed? It's been over four years! Of course I've changed! I'm not as big of a loser, I've learned new things, I have new skills, I have new friends, I've matured, I'm not a huge nerd, I've gained social manners, I've done SO MUCH!!!!!"

Seriously. That's what was going on in my head.

This of course was a high school friend who I hadn't seen since high school. High School, while nice, wasn't exactly pleasant. Better than some other points in my life, but every time I see a "recreation" of high school on TV or in a movie I want to scream "THAT'S NOT HOW IT'S LIKE." I was socially oblivious, had huge social and emotional baggage, and in general wasn't too great of a person. Mostly I studied, did Band, and randomly picked up new and unexciting hobbies to have people to hang around.

Then college hit. Everyone I'm sure knows that time away from parents and the college environment is like water to your inner maturity plant. Suddenly you have choices and decisions and the ability to stay up as late as you want and eat stuff that's bad for you! You have to deal with social issues and some basic economics without your parents looking over your shoulder. Heck, your teachers sometimes even almost treat you as their peers instead of as imbeciles.

Basically, I thought it was an excellent time of growth and self-discovery and maturation.

Apparently not. Or it was all internal or something. Or I was reverting due to the proximity of someone from a past era.

It doesn't matter. Never EVER say that to anyone. Especially after they go through college.

Humility: A Good Trait?

Depends on who you ask.

Here's two fairly recent posts:

Get Smarter by Realizing You're Not That Great.

A Study on Personality Traits Persisting Your Whole Life.

So, one says being humble is a good thing. You'll ask more questions and learn more from your peers. Plus there's several talks and studies about how cooperative work is better and how ideas mixing together produces progress and specializations. Great!

On the other hand, being "likely to express guilt, seek reassurance, say negative things about themselves and express insecurity" doesn't sound like positive traits.

Perhaps the real key is the line between being humble and knowing when to step down or submit and being self-depreciating. One handles knowing when to give in, the other is the continual action of bashing yourself internally.

I probably fall into the latter category since there have been so many times in my life where I was absolutely sure of something only to find out it was totally wrong. As a result I tend to also question myself and check other sources and try to think of the other side of the argument. It really helps make sure I don't make stupid mistakes, but at the same time it really takes a toll on my ability to be proactive sometimes. As a weird result, any action I do take tends to feel fairly self-assured, even when they turn out to still be wrong.

Hm.

The Necessity of an Enemy

Is there the necessity of an enemy?

Back in the olde times, everyone had plenty of enemies. That other person other there that didn't quite look like you was a potential enemy. Those crazy savages over the river were an enemy. That massive evil country yonder ways was an enemy. The unknown world was an enemy. Most of the known world was an enemy.

And heck, it worked out quite well.

You might say some of our best times were when we had enemies. The Civil War was perhaps the greatest period of innovation in science and killing arts. We saw multitudes of revolutions in industry, technology, and tactics. World War 2 was perhaps the greatest hour of the United States industry, and run almost completely by the women left around. Perhaps a third of the population was not even around to man the workshops.

Then again, those were perhaps some of the darkest times. We now have many new technical terms for psychological diseases and disorders developed specifically from times of conflict. Post-traumatic Stress Disorder became a buzz word recently, but its effects have existed as long as we have had wars. The pain of lost lives, the devastation wrought upon the lands, the peoples, and the psyches is sometimes incomprehensible and we suffer during and in the aftermath of those conflicts.

Still, no one can deny the power of having a known enemy. Orson Scott Card in Ender's Game painted a picture of an Earth united not by clever diplomats but by the threat of alien invasion. Some economists believe that competition, strife, and antagonism are the real ways the economy should be run. It sharpens skills. It provides goals. It unites people.

Sure there are plenty of times it works against us. High School is a wondrous example. With no one to compete with and the beginnings of independence emerging, the children in school turn against one other. Soon the only way up is to push down the outcast. You become safe and united in your common grounds, whether that be common interests, common ideology, or common enemy. However, those enemies live just down the street, and the strife and drama of those years scar many today.

I just finished an anime series titled Angel Beats! It's an exceptional piece that deals with death, life, our humanity, and the meaning or satisfaction we may have. It is all cleverly disguised as a fun slice of school like action piece. However, I noticed every time the outsider was brought in a new enemy had to appear. Eventually the series is drawn to a close because a giant evil is spreading and threatening all the characters forcing them to make a critical decision. It is even suggested that they would have been there for all eternity if not for this enormous external threat.

This anime is about a group as diverse as they come. A brainiac, a mechanic, a martial artist, a judo expert, a ninja, a shy failure, a fascist, a rock band, and many more are all united in their efforts against what they call God. There is no real reason for so many diverse types to be together, but they are. Why? It is not because of their charismatic leader, nor that they all knew each other as childhood friends. They are merely classmates. They should have been in their own cliques based around their personal interests. Yet they are united in a struggle against an overwhelming external enemy. The very existence of the enemy brings them together and eventually drives them across the finish line.

In many ways having an enemy is very convenient. Even if it is a faceless featureless "other" thing out there. However, it is much more efficient to have a defined evil enemy. Our instant global communication and our desires and indoctrinations to "understand" each other of today make it difficult to have clear-cut enemies. It is not polite nor politically correct anymore to set ourselves apart and claim the other person over there is the enemy. Heck, that is why the war on "terrorism" is perhaps so difficult. We can not picture an enemy. It is merely a war on shadows and "extremists" and loosely defined, but harmful, ideologies.

Then again, while convenient, perhaps it is the existence of enemies that are merely a convenient way out. In Ender's Game, after the threat of the aliens are dealt with, the powers on Earth simply resume their conflicts. In fact, they start up worse than ever. Having an enemy to unite against may bring people together, but it does not force people to deal with the problems they had in the first place. Most of the time they are simply put aside for now. Perhaps with enough time and contact those hidden problems can be washed away, but it is just as likely they will merely lie dormant and fester.

I recently found an interesting animated talk titled The Empathic Civilization[1] which argues that we are actually wired in our brains to have empathy and the ability to share experiences as our primary systems in our brains. We naturally have the ability to feel pain and struggle united against others due to our wiring and ability to comprehend how fragile and singular our lives are. By extension, we also realize how fragile and singular other lives are, and develop empathy for them. It then continues to argue that we need to live out these empathic feelings to form a loving, nurturing world for the human race and all life. Effectively he proposes we extend our empathy to the entire human race. Oddly enough in all of this flowery speech the narrator depicts a very real enemy: if we do not unite we will not survive as a species. Is this the ultimate enemy that will unite us all? Can even the unification of all life in the universe be at the urging because otherwise we will all die? The greatest unification is in the face of the greatest enemy of all? Or perhaps we can eventually unify and do away with enemies forever by exercising our empathic faculties.

The narrator avoids the topic of some of the more fracturing abilities that this empathic connection may bring up. This empathy also makes it very easy to for groups to form against a common enemy. When we see oppression and the identification of an enemy by someone else, we can empathize with them and also identify that enemy. We have just devised a method, using the same premise, for developing enemies within the world. This means if we want the empathic world as the narrator describes, we will have to actively work against empathy that identifies enemies within our ranks and only fight to unite. Or, we have to actively put those who would identify enemies within our communities as enemies of the world at large. We have created two warring camps: empathy to all of mankind versus mankind's enemies. Ironic, no? Perhaps human enemies truly are here to stay?

I really do not know the right answer to the question "Are enemies necessary?". Sometimes it would be really, really convenient to pick out an "enemy" and suddenly be part of a group willing to fight against it. Instant insider membership since we are all against that enemy other there. But then you get groups warring against groups. Perhaps we need to pick our own enemies, such as the faceless competitor for our future job, and work with that to help set our goal and as a way to move ourselves forward, but not let it extend to particular a people or group. We gain benefits of the faceless enemy without the large-scale conflicts associated with identifiable enemies, but easily someone could slip in and become the face of our faceless enemy. Or perhaps we must find a way to transcend the need for enemies.

What do you think?

[1]

With Hard Work and Determination

I am of the opinion that there are very few things we can not do with enough time and hard work.

I do not mean we can all become Olympic Gold Medalists and Concert Cellists and Astronauts in one lifetime. However, I find it very frustrating when people complain they can not do some things "by their nature."

One of the age old examples is the ability to play an instrument. Oh how I wish I could play the piano, or the guitar, and yet every time I start practicing or taking lessons I sound so horrible! I must have no skill and therefore should quit. Yup. Please ignore that it took me over thirteen years of piano lessons to reach where I am today. Please do not mind that those guitar players can become proficient in basic chords in a few months. Please do not tell me trying for a week and quitting indicates a lack of talent. It indicates a lack of determination.

Similarly, there are those who can not cook. Sure there are some who are complete failures as cooks no matter what. For some reason they cannot make judgement or can not follow directions. However, the vast majority of humans can make decisions and follow directions and therefore cook. At least at a basic level. The rest is just experience.

I find that I have structured my life around various rules. Some are from laws, others from advice. Some I realize come from experience and to prevent me from doing stupid things. Let us be frank here, I don't have the quickest mind which can evaluate the entire situation up to this point and make a snap decision about many things. So, I instead devise rules for myself to follow which can be applied to many situations. Does that make me a faster, more experienced decision maker? In a way not really/ I do not have the intuitive interpersonal skills that some have. However, due to experience and observation, I can keep up. I've essentially made myself a shortcut.

Granted, gaining experience takes time. We all know that time is in very short supply. So, the other aspect to this problem is determination. You can make anything you want your personal top priority. You can dedicate more or less time to many of your daily actions. Why not set aside an hour each day to prayer? Or perhaps a half-hour jog? Or an hour for practicing writing or an instrument or studying up on a language? Perhaps set aside an extra thirty minutes for time with your kids, or dedicate a day to pursuing that one special someone. If you care enough, I do not think you are so hard pressed for your basic needs that you cannot make time for what you care about.

Therein lies the issue. Most people do not actually care. We already fill our days full of things we care about, and adding in that new thing that we have no experience at is hard. We know instinctively that it will take maybe months or years to show fruit for our practice. Plus, we are surrounded by more competent people and we may never catch up to them. Again, it comes down to what you care about. In one year you will still be one year older. But you have the power to decide what you have at your disposal in that one year.

It really is up to you.

Things I Learned from Gaming

and should totally apply to real life.

• There are a limited number of stats points you can ever have. Therefore, to be stronger in one area you must be weaker in another. The only way to break this zero-sum game is via loot or raw level ups.
• When all else fails, the nuclear option is a totally acceptable way to demolish the enemy. However, it may require running in a cloaked individual to manually paint the target.
• Red Wunz Go Fastar
• Child Services can warp through walls and take your children if you neglect them enough.
• Children are made via relaxing in your bed under the sheets and showering rose petals over it. And nearly every time you try you will succeed.
• You can meet, become friends, and even marry a person all in one day via talking. A lot of talking. And perhaps some hugging and kissing.
• The more I am promoted, the shorter my hours will become and the greater my weekly pay. That way I have more time and money for recreation.
• Keys are only good for one door.
• Cybernetic implants and upgrades are instantaneous to install or upgrade respectively.
• Use drugs and potions and hypodermic needles as much as you want, you won't become addicted to them. Except that one that increases concentration and relaxes your jitters so you can handle a sniper rifle better.
• If you try really, really hard, you can do anything. Including hurling lighting like William Shatner.
• I can hold a gun perfectly still and hit anything I put under the crosshairs of my sniper rifle.
• Picking up ammo off the ground makes it instantly available to load in full clips into my gun.
• Hiding and resting for a bit will heal me back to full health no matter how close to death I was.
• I can take multiple gunshot wounds, knife cuts, and explosive concussions and still fight at peak efficiency after a quick healing.
• All soldiers can pilot all vehicles.
• Shooting parked cars makes giant fireballs.
• The bigger the sword, the better.
• At the end of my life, I will either get the Mother Theresa ending or the Baby Eater ending.
• All civilization leaders can control on a year-by-year basis production goals and what lands the people work on a per-city basis.
• If I ever sell anything to a shop, I will have to buy it back at a higher price. Similarly if I ever buy anything, I have to sell it back at a lower price.
• All Private Military Companies are evil and will eventually secretly make a bid to take over the world.
• The prevailing religion is actually a front of an evil organization that is taking over the world.
• The current government is corrupt and secretly doing diabolical things such as taking over the world. Or they've taken it over already and you missed out.
• Germans are Nazis and Russian are Commies. And they want to kill you. Shoot on sight.
• Vampires are real. They're just hiding so they can slowly drain your blood.
• Similarly magic is real, but the Technocrats are locking them down.
• Libraries hold tomes of evil that when read will summon eldric horrors into this world. Never ever read a book.
• No matter how untrained you are, ludicrous the weapon, or protected the enemy is, you always have at least a 5% chance of landing a hit.
• I'm Batman.

Alphas and Betas

For those of you who know me, you know I am a huge fan of the game Natural Selection. This also means I am extra stoked about Natural Selection 2. I have pre-ordered the Special Edition and everything!!!

This week they announced a date for when the Alpha will start, available only to Special Edition (SE) buyers, and they have stated SE will be discontinued when the Alpha launches. The Regular Edition buyers will join in at some future time, let us lovingly call it a "Beta" point.

Of course, this makes my day. I get the earliest access to the game, get to have fun discussing mechanics and picking the game apart, and in general it should be awesome.

However, there are some unhappy people. Specifically, those who bought the Standard Edition. They don't get alpha access. They have to wait until the Beta arrives.

Truthfully I find it very hard for me to be sympathetic towards these people's complaints. First off, I paid extra money just to have access to the Alpha. Additionally, it was stated as part of the package that one version gave access to the Alpha (Special Edition), and one made no mention about getting into the Alpha (Standard Edition). If you wanted access to the Alpha, should you not have bought the one that said "First access to alpha"?

Of course, some people argue that since the Engine Test was released to both Special and Standard edition buyers, it might have been slightly misleading. However, that was a very rough test for compatibility and not in any shape or form the game. It was merely to test the engine code on a variety of machines.

There is also some debate on what this mysterious "Beta" will be. Personally, I find that because of the variety of definitions in the industry no one really knows what an Alpha or Beta really is for a particular game, except the developers themselves. Most modern games go through an Alpha, a Closed Beta, and an Open Beta where they invite players outside their development group to test out the game and give feedback. These three simple phases do not include the many stages of internal builds that a game goes through within the company.

My personal definition is that the Alpha is given to a unique set of players. Players you either trust or who have taken the extra steps to be involved either via actions or payment. You can release to them something bug ridden and they will not run away in disgust, they will try to help fix it. If there is are balance issues, they will try to find and reveal them. The game does not have to be feature complete, and the Alpha players will take that into consideration.

The Beta should be nearly or completely feature complete. This is when you get the general masses in, test server loads, and let sheer numbers stumble across the bugs you missed. Players at this stage are probably more interested in playing a game and not as much about feedback, but they will gripe and moan on the forums so if something is horribly wrong. They also expect a game, not a partial build of a game and some might try it and leave because it is not complete.

Of course, different companies use these terms in different ways. For example, Blizzard, makers of World of WarCraft and StarCraft, view Betas as a complete game and only really do balance and server load testing. In StarCraft2 Beta they have made some very interesting tweaks based on feedback such as removing the attack delay on an air unit, opening up more micro possibilities. However, the game is pretty much all there on Day 1 of the Beta and it is only minor tweaks on stats that they are interested in for feedback. Others like Stardock, developers of Elemental, have been pumping out Beta builds starting with a striped down cloth map, no tactical battles, and barely any of the mechanics besides run your hero around the world. This Beta is only available to those who pre-order the game and seems to be whatever they have polished up at the time as they slowly release more and more features.

Still, being part of an "Alpha" has a huge amount of draw since most associate it with an exclusive time where they can make big differences with their feedback. I personally get a huge kick out of helping design things, especially games. Plus there is the allure of taking part in something so exclusive. Perhaps that is exactly why the NS2 developers chose that term to describe the first part of their more public testing period. Huzzah for marketing strategies.

Really though I think there is a deeper problem here than just a confusion of terms. In some ways it leads back to a sense of entitlement. Today gamers gorge themselves on free Betas where they can test out the game for free, get tired of it, and never have to pay a cent for the finished product. There is also a sense of "hey, we pre-ordered and so we deserve something in return." Coupled with the sentiment of "We gave you money, now deliver to use a product" this turns the forums into an ugly place at times.

Here is a quote from someone on the forums:

as a person who pre-ordered, i already have faith in you guys and i have completed a gesture of good faith by buying it early. when i looked at the pre-order options (way last year) it was pretty obvious the premium version was "because you extra love us mores, we can't really give you much, but its because you love us even more and you want this to happen". in your recent updates, it looks to me like you are stumbling trying to come up with things that you can give to the "premium pre-orders" and exclude from everyone else.

guys, we all love you, thats why we pre-paid, why are you tiering our love like this. i feel, i feel hosed.........

I kindly reminded this person that the Special Edition says it will give Alpha access. The poster commences to backpedal and little, and maybe meant something about the Beta being a point at which they have no say or something like that. Still, it is a whiny "I deserve something more" post. Bleugh.

Something I am a big fan is how many development teams are letting you pre-order and participate in some really early builds to get feedback. I find this an exceptional business model for Special Editions of a game personally. Contrast this to the $100 Civilization 5 Super Special Edition. Ugh. Buying a Special Edition that also lets you get access earlier feels like a solid system. You not only play to those like me who love getting their feet wet in the development of the game, but you also hit those who want the special feeling of being important and part of the exclusive Alpha club. Granted, you can no longer offer that lure once the game progresses to a release, and since it seems like no game can be released without a Special Edition, I can only scratch my head what to give that does not sound like a gimmick or fanboy bait. I will leave thoughts on that for another post.

What I dislike is when a developer opens up the floodgates too soon and stupidly shoot themselves in the foot. Many gamers can not comprehend an incomplete game. They just do not care, they want to play. Exposing these to a rough build of your game can generate bad press and actually cause you to lose sales. Many many independent developers and mod makers do this. Really they expected great praise for their hard work and feedback on all the rough parts, but instead they get laments about how horrid it is. I have several games on my watch list, but I will not even try them again until I see some serious positive press about how amazing it is and how it has changed gaming forever. They have effectively poisoned their own pool and caused me to lose confidence in their ability to do game design. And I think I am one of the nicer ones. If they had instead kept it internal and brought public a clean-cut polished version, I might have stayed on. It would have taken them another year, but at least I would no longer be telling people to ignore their game until further notice.

At the end of the day, Alphas and Betas are just another step in the development cycle of a game. Who they include is up to the developers. Still, I think some people need to pay a bit more attention to these stages. They are huge publicity as well as development phases in a game's lifetime, and should be used deliberately. Similarly, gamers should not treat these as early access to a full-fledged game and should act accordingly. This being the internet, I am sure most gamers do not really care.

And it's not like anyone reads this drivel anyways.

I Think We're Too Creative

when it comes to screwing with our brain chemistry.

I mean, music that makes you high? REALLY?

Guess it was only a matter of time really...

http://gizmodo.com/5587249/help-teens-are-using-digital-drugs-to-get-high

A bit of China

Well, I'm back from China. It was pretty awesome.

Overall we had a pretty jam packed schedule. A few days in Beijing, then a quick trip to Datong to see temples and giant Buddha statues in the mountains, then rivers and shows and oh my.

Here were some of the fun highlights:

• All the sights. Including the Great Wall, several temples, rivers, the Reed Flute Cave, and pandas. Also, we had several shows including recreations of Tang dynasty work, a light comedy/variety show in a recreated "opera" house, and a spectacle on the Li river done by the same guy who did the Beijing Olympics. If there's one thing that's lacking in China, it definitely is not human labor.
• Whole family fun! And no one killed each other.
• The variety of tourguides. We got a national guide that stayed with us the whole way, and local guides who knew the area intimately. So we had some younger, some older, a teacher, and some "hip" guides. They were all exceptional. Apparently you have to know 6 different languages besides Chinese to work in tourism.
• Food, food, and more food. Our national guide figured out we could pretty much anything, so we got a good variety of local specials from the different regions. If you think Chinese cooking is all the same, you've never had real Chinese food. Oh, and we got snake for one meal.
• Bargain shopping! As it turns out you can bargain quite the bargain around China. Nabbing thing for less than 1/2 the original price is easy, but the really fun times were getting it closer to 1/4th the price. Sometimes they chased you down the street to finally agree to your final asking price. And remember, walk away at least 2 times or else you're getting jipped. I only really bought gifts though, but my cousin scored a huge load of random shiny things. Some to wear, some for her home.
• Visiting our original village. We also learned the story behind how my grandmother was able to come to the states and met others from the clan.
• Coming home to less crazy drivers and way less smog. Oh, and potable water coming out of the faucet again.

Would I do it again? Yeah. But I should probably visit Japan first to even out my cultural heritage history.

Author Context

Here's a brief bit of my history to help you put things in context.

I was born in 1987. I grew up in Hacienda Heights, CA. It's a sub section of LA County, close to the San Gabriel Valley. So, eastern suburbs of LA.

Overall my parents do a great job. They exposed me to a variety of recreational things, even ones I was horrible at. They also had a policy of being OK with whatever grades I got as long as I tried my best. For me, that meant getting almost straight As. They exposed me to a variety of sports to keep me active, encouraged me to try new things, and in general were excellent role models and teachers. Although they perhaps had a bit too much reliance on teaching by osmosis and observation than I might have liked.

My primary recreation until high school was playing Basketball in the church's basketball team and piano. I later transitioned into Flute for Band, Tennis on the off-season, and Piano. I never applied myself seriously to sports, and tended to perform poorly. However, I was always able to play smart and think ahead, letting me get back a bit of an edge on other players. Still, the reason I use slice so aggressively for tennis is because I am lazy and do not take the effort to set my feet up for top spins.

I apparently had an incident with a poor teacher in 2nd grade who reprimanded me for being not attentive. I was actually being very bored and continued to perform well. However, this incident prompted my parents to move me to another school district that had a class specifically for highly gifted students. It was a rough transition and being the new kid I was picked on for several years. For middle school I transferred back to my original school district to find all my former friends radically changed and fractured into various sects. Being an outcast of sorts continued through High School.

In High School I found a few niches. I excelled academically and I made my mark by being a bit out-of-sync with the rest. For example, I explicitly dropped out of the IB program because I wanted to take Calculus BC my Junior year. That kind of backfired a little bit since then I had no interesting math to take my Senior year. I also entered into the Band as one of the last male flutes for a long time. I eventually rose to Section Leader and had one of the most successful sections in those years of the Band. Turns out being the only male in the section has its perks, including being able to avoid the favoritism drama. Plus since I pushed myself so hard I led by example while pushing the whole section to succeed. I was so strict and set the "Trevin standard" so high I gained the nickname "Big Bad Trevin" within the first few weeks. At the same time, I was patient and diligent when teaching individually, so that softened the blow a bit.

I wasn't very interested in grades. I merely performed. At the end of High School we made the startling discovery that I was ranked 7th in my class. Surprising since I was taking Band for all those years, which only provides a 4.0 to my GPA, instead of AP courses which gives a 5.0. I was the second ranked male in the class by GPA.

I applied to college like all the rest and was accepted to my top choice Harvey Mudd College. In summary, it is a high octane science and tech school with a huge liberal arts component and amazing community. Here, I thrived. I was not the top of the class, but that was OK. I was used to being not first. Some of my classmates had to make a hard adjustment in that respect. I expanded my gaming, took some martial arts courses, thoroughly enjoyed music, and made some awesome friends. I also was mentored by some amazing professors who also helped open doors, including helping me land a great internship for the summer of 2009.

It was also a hugely challenging time. For all my previous years I had been under the protection of very active parents. My mother continues to be a pillar of leadership and organization in everything she puts her mind to. My dad is one of the friendliest and helpful dads around. In short, they helped mold my ideology and when things got rough I knew I could rely on their notoriety with the authorities. In college I had to finally stand on my own.

This was especially true when it came to being a Christian. I grew up in the church and really took most of what they told me to be law. In college, I met people who were well versed in trying to prove me wrong. I had to play catch-up, checking assumptions I had made and correcting false facts I had been fed. I still consider myself a Christian today, just a much less naive one.

After graduation I decided I should at least get a Masters Degree. I thus applied and was accepted to UC Davis to work with a professor doing some very interesting chip design work. It has been a very different shift from a small private school where teaching is the top priority to something where it is much more sink-or-swim and the clunky bureaucracy permeates and corrodes everything.

In terms of personality I am rated to be about average in everything on the Myer-Briggs except for being a fairly strong introvert. That being said, I sometimes surprise people who think I am extremely talkative and interpersonal. The reason is that I have learned the importance of being interesting. No one will pry me open to discover all the crazy knowledge I have, my odd wit, or anything really at all. I have to offer it up. So, I always try to have a vignette or story to tell, something to close up the silence, and always on the lookout to try and invite others to speak up. I also am very free about personal information, even sometimes very private information. I find it is because I consider it to be purely facts about me. Oddly, I find it hard to actually feel anything emotional. Probably still a defensive mechanism from my bullied days, but I often can't feel or express emotion. I can fake it, but internally I am solving and analyzing coldly more often than I would like.

So there you have it. A bit of a mini-autobiography of my life up until now. It has its ups and downs. It has some oddities and some normalcy. Maybe this is useful to understand this blog. Perhaps it is all just words in the void.

Not like anyone reads this crap anyways.