The Fascination with Being Right

In a recent revelation I discovered I tend to like being right.

I like to state things as if they were truly hard cold facts even if they are based on assumptions or guesswork.

I enjoy lording my intellect over others and find it my duty to correct wrong notions and continue to spread knowledge and truth.

In fact, I am so infatuated with it and my awesome abilities of self-awareness, I'm declaring it a fact RIGHT NOW. (whoa, got kinda meta there)

I don't think this is an isolated incident. I think we all like being right. There is a certain sense of authority to being right. Being assertive means you can take control of the situation, take command of the conversation, and center all attention to your awesomeness.

Unfortunately, overstating how right you are tends to have a few downsides. For one thing, you might start to think that you are actually always right all the time. Which you aren't. Plus, those that do know better might be afraid to correct you since you are so sure that you are right. Being thought of as cocky and obvious are also poor interpretations of your awesome rightness.

Here are some way to tell if this is affecting you:

1. Do you tend to state an opinion of yours as fact?
2. Do you have to have the last word in a discussion/argument?
3. Do you make you job to prevent misunderstandings?
4. Do you nitpick about small details in someone else's story as they tell it by interrupting them?
5. Do you sometimes feel the need to return to a prior spot in the conversation where someone was incorrect?
6. Do you often wish more people would speak up and correct you when you are unintentionally wrong?
7. Is there uncomfortable silence after you finish talking?

I have no idea how to fix this. Except maybe making sure I shut up more often.

You Are Hanging Out With Someone

that you haven't seen in a really long time.

Suddenly, they say, "You know something? You haven't changed a bit."

This happened to me. I wanted to strangle that person.

"What do you mean I haven't changed? It's been over four years! Of course I've changed! I'm not as big of a loser, I've learned new things, I have new skills, I have new friends, I've matured, I'm not a huge nerd, I've gained social manners, I've done SO MUCH!!!!!"

Seriously. That's what was going on in my head.

This of course was a high school friend who I hadn't seen since high school. High School, while nice, wasn't exactly pleasant. Better than some other points in my life, but every time I see a "recreation" of high school on TV or in a movie I want to scream "THAT'S NOT HOW IT'S LIKE." I was socially oblivious, had huge social and emotional baggage, and in general wasn't too great of a person. Mostly I studied, did Band, and randomly picked up new and unexciting hobbies to have people to hang around.

Then college hit. Everyone I'm sure knows that time away from parents and the college environment is like water to your inner maturity plant. Suddenly you have choices and decisions and the ability to stay up as late as you want and eat stuff that's bad for you! You have to deal with social issues and some basic economics without your parents looking over your shoulder. Heck, your teachers sometimes even almost treat you as their peers instead of as imbeciles.

Basically, I thought it was an excellent time of growth and self-discovery and maturation.

Apparently not. Or it was all internal or something. Or I was reverting due to the proximity of someone from a past era.

It doesn't matter. Never EVER say that to anyone. Especially after they go through college.

Humility: A Good Trait?

Depends on who you ask.

Here's two fairly recent posts:

Get Smarter by Realizing You're Not That Great.

A Study on Personality Traits Persisting Your Whole Life.

So, one says being humble is a good thing. You'll ask more questions and learn more from your peers. Plus there's several talks and studies about how cooperative work is better and how ideas mixing together produces progress and specializations. Great!

On the other hand, being "likely to express guilt, seek reassurance, say negative things about themselves and express insecurity" doesn't sound like positive traits.

Perhaps the real key is the line between being humble and knowing when to step down or submit and being self-depreciating. One handles knowing when to give in, the other is the continual action of bashing yourself internally.

I probably fall into the latter category since there have been so many times in my life where I was absolutely sure of something only to find out it was totally wrong. As a result I tend to also question myself and check other sources and try to think of the other side of the argument. It really helps make sure I don't make stupid mistakes, but at the same time it really takes a toll on my ability to be proactive sometimes. As a weird result, any action I do take tends to feel fairly self-assured, even when they turn out to still be wrong.

Hm.