When at Advantage, do as Little as possible.
This relates particularly well to playing co-op games or leading groups. Basically, when you're in a dominant position either by experience (you've played this game professionally for a few years) or intent (you read the passage 'cause you're the one presenting the lesson) you should do as little as possible. Let the others grow, develop, and succeed. It helps no one if you dominate the forum. They will learn very little, you will look overbearing, stuff falls apart.
One keen example is at LAN parties. I've fallen into this trap sooo many times. I'm really, really good at certain games, and since it's my relaxation time I figure time to make myself feel good by dominating the enemy team. The only problem is by crushing them I don't make them feel "oh, Trevin is so amazing, I want to be like him one day." Instead, they just get frustrated that they can't contribute and they just leave. Similarly this happens at times in small groups. I've grown up in the church and so I have a pretty darn good grasp of many complex subjects. But just supplying the "right" answer every time doesn't help anyone else learn. They just end up resenting me or feeling like they aren't contributing.
The caveat is don't do nothing. It is still your responsibility to keep things going. Play an active role in teaching and nurturing. Rain down praise when people do things right. Guide new people. Facilitate. If the group is getting lost in the discussion, calmly nudge them back on track.
But DO NOT tip your hand that you are pulling your punches. Or else they'll feel like you're looking down on them and belittling them.
When at a Disadvantage, go all out
Now, for the opposite. If you're the newbie, the out-of-shape guy at the frisbee game, the fresh intern, go all out. Make a fool of yourself stumbling. Run yourself ragged. Take as active part as you can until you're in the group mentioned above.
The worst thing you can ever do is stay passive, try to carefully cultivate your skills, then think you can waltz onto stage and go TA-DA, look how much I did all by myself! For one thing, good luck catching up. For another, you've wasted valuable time that could have been spent using the resources at your disposal. Grab a mentor, bug people with questions, be humble and ask for help when you don't understand instead of running into what the pros know is an obvious trap. Or worse, get defensive when you do screw up and moan back that it's all THEIR fault.
Bringing it back to games, this is how you learn DotA/HoN/LoL. You loudly announce you're a noob, people will help. Die a bunch of times due to incompetence, get called a feeder noob by your team, get defensive, game goes bad due to infighting and slurs, not the way to do things. Similarly, as the new hire I keep oscillating between being the pest who is learning by leaps and bounds how to do my job and the quiet "studious" one who gets bored out of his mind because he doesn't understand the words on his screen. Yes, I am bothering my mentor if I ask questions while they're in the middle of some huge analysis, but I don't help my team by staying incompetent longer.
Of course, don't be stupid. Being a constant pest, loudly making the excuse that you're new and useless, only makes you a whiner and a pest. Get your head down, power through, but every time you eat dirt pick yourself up and see if there's any pointers you can glean from your betters.
OK, now that I've published to the world, time to try living by them. Wish me luck.
I disagree with part of your first statement. Although, I guess it can depend on what your goals are. Your first example had to do with videogames, where you said you wanted to "relax... feel good". If those are your goals you should do what it takes to accomplish those goals. If that, for whatever reason, makes others feel badly about themselves, I don't really think that you should hold yourself responsible. It sounds like, in the first example, you are sacrificing your own happiness for others, and while that is a noble attribute it has its time and place. When you are trying to relax and have fun is probably not one of those times or places. Humble opinion.
ReplyDelete-ian
http://iansaintlawrence.blogspot.com/
I disagree with Ian here. There is much fun to be had in being part of a team and helping out without dominating, especially in video games. I think that Trevin and a lot of the guys who we play with enjoy this dynamic, and that is what helps them relax and have fun, rather than making the most kills or headshots or some more "serious" goal. I don't think that holding back, in this sense, is indicative or leads to "sacrificing your own happiness" in any way.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I feel that not taking others' (especially in team games) feelings and sources of frustrations into consideration can lead to, as Trevin basically says, being a jerk. There is a lot more tension in the game, less communication, less, well, balance and enjoyment. If you are acting in an inconsiderate way, dominating others without letting them get better or learn for themselves and it leads to lower self esteem on their part, or hacing a bad time, I believe that then *is* your fault, and that *is* your responsibility. I suppose, if to relax and feel good you have to be the top no matter the level of the other players, maybe you shouldn't be playing in LAN parties with others who are playing with much more casual intent.
Ironically, after I posted I realized that the statements can still apply even in more "serious" endeavors. One major mantra for pro gaming is when you're a head, get more ahead. So, play conservatively and don't throw away your advantage. Which also fits into my first rule. On the other hand, if you're behind in a match, you have to do something to break the paradigm. Some sort of timing, or a surprise move to get back into the game. Similarly, for personal training, you should almost always be taking the mentality of "oh my goodness I suck and I MUST get better." Kind of a stretch overall, but still kinda works.
ReplyDeleteBut yes, I was aiming this primarily at cooperative activities. So, team-based games, introducing people to a new game, leading discussion groups, etc. And I may be weird, but I derive way more enjoyment when everyone is having fun and I facilitated that then crushing my opponents. It's why I ran the 24HR Crack in the AC sessions, and yet barely managed to play a single game for most of them 'cause I was giving up my computer for others, coaching the new players, and running the event. And frankly, I had a blast!
Hey Trevin!
ReplyDeleteI like your advice:
"Now, for the opposite. If you're the newbie, the out-of-shape guy at the frisbee game, the fresh intern, go all out. Make a fool of yourself stumbling. Run yourself ragged."
Sure hope to put it to good use next few years at grad school!
Tc
-samir