Everyone's Secretly a Jerk

Let us do a thought experiment.

For a moment, let us assume that every single person in the world is secretly a jerk. No one ever does any good simply to do good. In reality, everyone is trying to advance themselves in some way.

For some actions, this is perhaps obviously true. If someone is swindling money via insider trading or swindling another person for millions, then obviously this person is a jerk who is advancing themselves over others. If someone donates a huge chunk of money just so that they get a building named after them, then the same logic applies that they are actually just trying to advance themselves. Instead of doing an illegal act, they masked their selfish motives with a seemingly benevolent action. But, deep down in their hearts, they are still a jerk.

This can be applied to a variety of fields, not just gifts and acts of goodwill. In diplomacy, a certain level of trust is required. However, if you have ever played a good strategy game you know that alliances can often be very fragile things. Your back was turned too far and you had this nice juicy target taped right there and your "ally" just could not resist. Especially after you gave them this nice giant pretty knife as a present last year. Similarly, in real politics everything is based on favors, trust, show of might, public support, and a variety of other things. That does not prevent some countries from essentially playing along and waiting for the time to strike. Undermining authority, watching who to side with since they are "going to win anyways", and sometimes outright defiance are all part of the game. This is sometimes more apparent in business actions where a company is looking out for itself. Hostile mergers? Careful planning of gaining market share? Subtle thinly veiled attacks on the trustworthiness and performance of that rival? Sure sounds like being a jerk to me.


In this little thought experiment, everyone is a jerk. That means Mother Theresa actually did all those benevolent actions to gain fame as a humanitarian. That means people who donate to charities are doing it for tax write-offs or to gain esteem in the eyes of their peers. That means you too are a jerk.

Let us be honest, we are all quite selfish. If you think about it, every single one of your friends has a use. One may be your homework study buddy who helps you get those grades. Another is a really good listener. Another you hang around because you need someone to play a pick-up game. Another friend might be the funny person who can always make you laugh, and another always likes to invite you out to chill and take a break. Similarly, no one can say that they dislike praise. We all crave praise. Even if we didn't deserve praise, we still feel good when we get it. So, it perhaps isn't uncommon that really we do many things simply to receive praise.

It is not all just subconscious either. I know it is not uncommon to do things with an ulterior motive. A person often knows exactly what to say or what to do to get what they want. We know the picture perfect lines or graceful ways to let someone down. We all understand the power of words. Knowing that if you do something interesting and selfless will garner you praise is surely something that runs around your mind as a positive reason to do it. Sure you can kid yourself it is not your primary reason, right?


In a previous post, I posted a video detailing what appears to motivate us to do well. One of those key motivators was to enable mastery of an ability. Why do we want to master things? What makes it so fulfilling to be one of the best at a particular event? Again, it could all come back to feeling good. You like to be good. You want to be the best. You crave adoration and compliments about your skills by your peers.

In short, you are motivated to advance yourself in everything you do.

You are a jerk.

Heck, everyone is a jerk! We are all self-serving losers who get a kick out of being #1. We do things to advance ourselves socially, economically, and emotionally. Deep down, we are all jerks.


Is that a bad thing?


Recently at a youth group meeting we heard a recording of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s sermon titled "The Drum Major Instinct." He too outlines a similar thought. Everyone has a basic drive to be the drum major, to be the one out front leading. We engorge ourselves on praise and accomplishment. We are selfish and always desire to improve our position. We are all jerks.

But, Martin Luther King says this isn't a bad thing. In fact, it is a very good thing. If we didn't have this emotion, this basic drive, we would lack motivation to advance. Others who had the drive would accomplish things in our place and leave us out. As a species if we did not have a drive for accomplishment and praise we would not progress and instead stagnate. The problem is when we pervert it and desire the wrong things.

Perhaps instead of desiring praise we should desire other things. Martin Luther King pointed people to use that drive to accomplish humanitarian things, to help others, and to serve God. Being able to be praised by God was what he said should be our real motivator. That it was not about our own advancement, but the advancement and praise of God at the end of our lives.


OK, that sounds pretty neat. So, perhaps we can not be jerks, right?


Still, it is perhaps a flimsy excuse. That is a method to refocus our selfish jerk ways into positive results, but you can still be a jerk!

Worse, what if everyone else really was a true jerk, the evil conniving gleefully cackling kind? What if even Jesus was a jerk and knew that if He got himself killed God would resurrect Him and then Christianity would start and all that jazz? What if all your friends really are just using you? Worst part is, only you know your own motivations, and as I have described above I am pretty sure you are not faultless. So, we can not really prove if the world is actually full of jerks or not.

At the end of the day, do we care?

Perhaps we know the world is actually full of jerks. After all, at some level it is required for use to progress as an individual and as a community, nation, species, etc. Does this give you licence to be a jerk all the time since everyone else is doing it? Does this mean you start second-guessing why others are doing nice things? Do you always assume the worse and know that all that praise is hollow because in reality they just want praise later? In truth, you could, but that would be a sad way to live.

Perhaps we should be praise driven. It is no inherently bad. Perhaps it is one of the many motivators of everything we do. But, perhaps we can try to minimize it. Perhaps we can accept that others will be jerks sometimes, but still treat them as if they are not. Accept the person and condemn the sin and all that. Sure the gift might be stained with ulterior motives, but the gift is still a gift.

I am not saying the ends justify the means. If something seems to be too much of a jerk move, perhaps you should decline. Purchases of items built under horrible exploitive conditions support those practices, so perhaps you should avoid them. That way you not only fight your inner jerk of getting a great deal, but you hamper the jerk actions of others. If someone is obviously in a relationship just to use you, you are injuring yourself and should get out. Follow your own jerk instinct to find someone who makes you happy.

In short, we are all jerks, but I think it is more about just ignoring other people's potentially jerk motives, and try to minimize your own. Then again, I am probably a huge jerk just posting this dribble, so perhaps you should unsubscribe and not support my efforts.