I realize this is quite some time since this article, but I thought I'd throw in some stuff on the topic.
NOTE: I am 3rd generation Chinese and 4th generation Japanese. Therefore, I am not a fount of knowledge on direct Chinese nor Japanese methods.
As per usual, this is rough draft writing. I rarely edit things.
I was raised with one basic tenant: do your best.
This applies to many things. Do your best academically. Do your best musically. Apply yourself in a reasonable manner. This meant that getting things like Bs were typically unacceptable.
I did quite well for myself. I took 9 AP tests and got 5s on the majority of them. I made it into Harvey Mudd College and graduated in 4 years. I was accepted into a Masters program and will begin work at Intel in the summer. I took about 13 years of piano lessons, threw in a few years of private flute lessons, was Flute section leader in Band and was known for my excellence in drill downs, musicianship, and leadership. I founded several clubs, played tennis, did basketball with the church team through middle school. I was active in church, joining the A/V team, participating at various functions, helping play for the orchestra at a variety of events. I was well-read for my age, scoring pretty good scores on the SAT. Overall, from an academic perspective, I did pretty well.
My parents had to crack the whip a few times. I was not allowed to not practice piano during the week. If I received low scores there were shakes of the head and threats to ban certain things. Groundings were not uncommon for my sibling when things were out of line or major mishaps had occurred. I often had a feeling that I had to live up to my parents' expectations of me, and wound myself up even harder.
Now, before people start yelling about how cruel and heartless this system is, you need to understand the underlying parts of this method of raising kids. I think the WSJ piece played up the more controversial part, which is that you push and push them into excellence. However, that's not completely true, at least in my case.
My parents were also very in tune with what our capabilities were. If for example I had a very tough teacher, as long as I did my best a B was acceptable. When I headed to college they didn't check up on my grades since they knew they had pounded into me a solid work ethic, and now I had to stand or fall on my own. They understood when I had too much work in one area and so I could relax on something else, like a chore or practicing the piano.
Similarly, my brother is a very different person from me. He's a more "artsy" person. As a result, it wasn't expected for him to be the peak of academics. He didn't get to slack though. There were many times when my parents would come back from a parent conference or see a report card and blast him for getting a B in math. No, he is perfectly capable of getting an A. He got them usually by the end. He was just slacking.
Back to differences! I mentioned I did piano for 13 years. For those playing at home, that means I started at 5 years old. Through my senior year of high school. Please do NOT ask me to come play at your wedding, because I'm pretty bad. However, contrast this to my brother. He quit piano before High School even began. He instead picked up drums and guitar. Oh yeah. Really my parents didn't ming if I made it to my senior year. They were content that I had some music in my system by then. However, I stuck it out just so I could have a super special Senior Recital. My brother just decided nope and did other things.
And that was perfectly OK.
You see, the trick to the Chinese method is to expose and push them at the things they enjoy and you know they can do. I was sent to a variety of sports camps over the summers to sports I was horrible at, like baseball. I was a constant attendee of Science Camps. However, you don't arbitrarily push forever and ever. Or rather, you shouldn't. Instead, while kids don't know what's best for them you assert your authority and make them do things that pay off in the end. Those piano lessons? Totally worth it. I had a really fun time with the recital, it was quite the ego booster to get some awesome scores, and the training has really come in handy. There are fewer better ways to impress people (especially ladies) than being able to bust out music skillz. Well, I guess dancing works too.
I mentioned that I played basketball for a while. I admit, I was complete crap at it, as many can attest. However, I was kinda forced to do it. If there is anything I disliked the most, it was probably the basketball. Mostly because I never applied myself to get good, and so I was never that good, and so I kinda just hung around. When I hit High School, I flat out dropped. And my parents were cool with that.
You see, the problem comes when they start to exert forces when the child is completely able to survive on their own. I have a few friends who suffer from this now. One commented that they had achieved everything their parents had asked for, specifically financial success in a solid job. So, the parents could go shove it. I was frankly surprised that their parents were still meddling to that degree even after college. My parents like to know what I'm up to, and like to be involved, but I rarely feel like they're meddling. It's more of an offered hand of help. Meddling pretty much ended around High School.
That doesn't mean they weren't active in my life. In High School they helped shuttle me to all the events, they were integral components in the Band, they helped me decide on a college. This wasn't meddling, this was enabling. They went to every practice, every recital, every parent-teacher conference. They had an active hand in monitoring and cheering me on. There was constant, steady pressure to succeed, and they cheered me on every step of the way.
Contrast to what I saw with some of my other friends. The parents only showed up to crack the whip. When I went over to their house the parents just left us alone. My parents would always greet my guests, check if they needed any food or drinks. I've heard stories about parents who tried to pigeonhole their kids into what they believed the archetype required for "success" as the kid went kicking and screaming.
Again, I did not have any of this. I was encouraged to explore what I wanted, and when I found them I was expected to full my full effort into it.
Granted, as I stated at the beginning, I do not have a purely traditional FOB mother. My father is Japanese. My parents are Christian. We lived in the suburbs of LA. My story is not that of a super-powered-chinese-or-die growing up. I ate a combo of Chinese, Japanese, Mexican, American, Italian, and pretty much everything diet, not rice every night. I am perhaps NOT the typical Chinese upbringing.
Which perhaps is comforting. It means I was able to reap the amazing benefits of the style. I pushed myself to do things I didn't think I could do. I have skills that I am amazingly thankful I have. I have a very strong relationship with my parents because I know they care about me and want what's best for me. However, I don't have the negatives. The sometimes meddling mother. The injured feeling that I don't control my fate. The rebellion that I am merely a product of parental tinkering and not my own exploration.
It means the system can work.
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