Odd Relations

Not sure if this happened to you, but back during my Middle School and High School years I heard a lot about this thing called "peer pressure" that we had to be wary of. Don't let your buddies change you or pressure you into doing potentially hazardous things. Feel free to express yourself even if it goes against the crowd. Don't think all the cool kids are doing drugs. And so on.

It was a tad odd since I pretty much ignored these lectures. Because I had no real friends.

Yeah, there were some people I knew and could relate to. During High School I had lots of people, especially in Band, that I hung out with and chatted with quite regularly. And perhaps my definition of a friend is a little odd. But I honestly didn't have people who I cared enough about that I felt like there was "peer pressure."

There were obviously other forces at play, I just don't classify them as "peer pressure". For one thing there was the general crowd feel. You didn't want to speak out against certain things or else you'd be labeled as uncool. You obviously acted certain ways to certain people. But I could identify all of these and didn't feel particularly constrained by them. In fact, it is perhaps due to my nonchalant feelings that certain things worked out in my life. I consistently was on very friendly terms with the teachers since I was never afraid of them. I was very comfortable with opening up to the college admissions since I didn't particularly care what they thought about me. I previously noted that I simply worked hard at my courses, not caring about the grades but that I put in my best effort. I didn't realize until near the end of my senior year there were even rankings based on GPA, that I was in the top 10, AND I hadn't been padding my GPA by taking as many AP classes as possible and avoiding non-AP classes (i.e. Band). Even when I found that out, I was all like, "huh, that's neat" and just went on with life.

But, that's just the past.

Recently I've met and connected with people that I would consider my friends. It's almost weird using that phrase. Friends. However, this brings up a tough and odd dilemma. I care about them, and I care about what they think about me, so suddenly I have "peer pressure" problems.

I actually talked about this once in a small group. We were talking about being authentic. Specifically, allowing ourselves as Christians to act like Christians not just on Sunday. However, I also brought up the subject of trying to change ourselves. Is it OK or even possible to try and change yourself for the better for the benefit of your friends? I want to impress and be accepted by a group, so is it OK to try and change myself to fit in?

We came to the consensus that you can try to be the best possible person of yourself, but you can't change who you are. Fundamentally putting on a mask just to be accepted is not the way to happy fun friend time, no matter how appealing it is in the short term.

But it truly is an odd thing. Only in recent years have I had people who I just might do something stupid for just for our friendship. I finally get what all those talks about "peer pressure" really meant. I almost feel like I ended up growing up about four years behind everyone else and am now playing catch-up.

Luckily I listened to the talking heads back in High School, so I at least have the theory down. Let's see how well I can practice them.