Basis of Attraction

I blame one of my female friends for asking pointed questions which then forced me to resolve my views on this topic. You know who you are.

Let's talk for a moment about attraction/dating/relationships. Or, more accurately, my views on them. Feel free to fill the comments section with your own opinions.

For this post, I am focusing on what attributes of a female attract my interest. These roughly fall into two categories.

First, we have the logical ideal woman. This is from years of hearing about what is good for a relationship, things I find desirable, etc. The double-talk list is as follows:

• Intelligent.
• Stable, but willing to change and learn.
• Reserved, but not closeted nor reclusive.
• Energized, but not over-the-top.
• Responsible, but not meddling.
• Humble, but not subservient.
• Stand up for what she believes in, but willing to concede if proven wrong.
• Pretty, but not vain.

You get the picture. =p

Then, there are things that I pick up on when I first meet a girl that instantly hit me in the gut. Logical reasons be damned.

One of the notables is passion and skill. I have a particular weak point for musically talented individuals. Probably because of how many years I've sunk into my own musical skills (with subpar results) and how much music affects me. This is especially true if she can sing and/or play piano/keyboard. Also, being passionate about what they do is key. Just having skill is one thing, and typically the category I fall into. Taking your skills to a whole new level is exciting and definitely draws me to the person. Dunno why, but this is all an instant attention grabber for me.

Another would be a common interest such as games. It's one of the major venues that I can spend oodles of time on, especially when playing with other people. I have literally walked into rooms knowing no one, then played a few games with people and we're buddies. Plus, I love discussing how to play them better and on designing better, interesting, and fair games. Other notables include things like anime, music (see above), faith, cooking, and whatever else.

Ironically while looks can help, they don't have quite the same internal instinctive draw for me. This might be due to self-training and constantly telling myself to look for character over looks, but I'll leave the psychoanalysis for someone else. Don't get me wrong, a girl wearing some seriously elegant or well-thought outfit with a body to match is very eye-catching. But it seems to trigger a different set of attraction than the aforementioned ones. Physical beauty and attraction are one things, but strong subtle gravitation is a totally different thing.

Anyways, typically the initial attraction leads to very fast "getting to know" phases, and levels out in favor of a more "logical" approach to candidacy. No surprise there for anyone. As everyone should already know, initial attraction isn't worth squat once you get to know the layers of the person and whether or not you're actually compatible and willing to commit to being in for the long-term. And then things start getting complicated.