On My Mind: Duality

Preface: this was the post I mentioned previously. I'm too busy to finish polishing a new one, so enjoy this instead.


This title prefix indicates this is something that's 1) on my mind and 2) I want to randomly spew about. As a result, these will tend to be lower quality than a more structured, well-thought out post. It may also delve into weird parts of my mind. You've been warned.

So, duality. There are very, very few things in this world that do not have two sides to them. In my infinite wisdom stupidity I have trained myself to always acknowledge the other side and hold them as plausible. As a result, I tend to get paralyzed by being caught between them.

For example, think about the poor. On one hand, many poor are there because of the systems in place to make their lives easier. They are relatively comfortable and have figured out ways to get their necessities and see no reason to get out of their situation. Alternatively, they got themselves into this situation by substance abuse or poor decisions. Under these circumstances, one might feel justified in not helping them. They should learn to stand under their own strength! After all, they won't get better if we just coddle them. However, many are also there due to bad circumstances. The system conspires to take away their opportunities. Perhaps they made a few early bad decisions but are now reformed. Or maybe with the right system in place and the right opportunity they can succeed, they just need someone to believe in them and give them a helping hand.

Both of these stances are correct, in some form or fashion. As a result arguments fly left and right about what to do. Which side you feel is stronger speaks volumes about your priorities, character, and outlook on life.

This doesn't just apply to policy though. On one hand, I'd like to be an expert programmer and engineer wunderkind. All the literature says to become this, I should work really hard. Take up outside projects. Learn as much as you can at all times. There is no speed limit! On the other hand, I'd like to have a quiet life. I have other frivolous interests that take time. I enjoy killing time with other people. And at times I am just burned out. If I was too stuck in the first mindset, I would chastise myself for the breaks thinking about all the lost productivity. If I was too stuck in the second, I would never grow and only try to fill my own comfortable needs first without stepping out and growing as an individual. You don't get better by just doing what you are already capable of.

It is this duality. The mixture of me being quiet and letting others say their mind while screaming inside to say what I want. The oddity of saying what I think so emphatically I shut down the opposition and regret not hearing their thoughts. The cacophony of playing Devil's Advocate to show someone the flaws in their argument without ever getting around to saying what I really think. The madness of holding conflicting concepts in my life in balance with fear that if I pick the wrong one and go after it wholeheartedly I'll regret it some day in the future. The agony of burning out and hating myself for doing so.

That is what has been on my mind.