Ah, Mother's Day Weekend. The time in the spring where we reflect on those who carried us around for nine months and went through excruciating pain to make us. And yet, for some reason, for all that grief we caused and cramping and back pain and really bad fashion, they loved us. They saw potential in us. They looked at a random clump of cells and said "you are a person and you are mine." In honor of those saints, here are a few things I was taught by my mom that impacted my life.
* Start tough, you can relax later. This was a very important piece of advice given to me when I became Section Leader in Band. Fundamentally it illustrates how it is easier to let things become loose than it is to tighten them up later. It holds true in so many things. Easier to let grades crash than to fight back to a higher score. Easy to let you body atrophy than to beat it into shape and maintain it. The fundamental law of entropy and discipline in your life. Bonus points for this one since it kept the section running smoothly, in no small part because every day I'd debrief my mom on what happened that day and she'd offer helpful thoughts.
* Put away what you take out. Hurrah for the basic childhood lessons. Like all good childhood rules, this continues to be true today, just in ways you may not expect. It is the secret to keeping a clean home. Since everything is always put away, you no longer have a large pile of junk to put away. AMAZING! Plus, it applies to other things in life. For example, understanding what a mutex is. Or, always telling someone when you are done with something so they can use it again. Since I shed that skin on the ground or got junk on the counter, it's my job to deal with it! Break out the vacuum!
* The world isn't black and white. You don't know how many times I was told this growing up. And for the longest time I didn't get it. World seemed pretty black and white to me. Laws seemed to regulate actions and social norms. Certain things were (vegetables) and others were not (lightsabers). Plus, almost everyone at school hated me. Simple. Took me a long time to figure this one out, and I'm still learning where along the color spectrum certain things lie for me.
* It's OK as long as you try your hardest. I think I've mentioned this before, but my parents did not expect me to get straight As for the sake of straight As. They expected me to get straight As because I was capable of getting straight As. It is a subtle, but important distinction. In all things I was expected to do my best. Even if that best wasn't the best possible. This lead to a lot of car rides to a variety of activities, just to give exposure and to try it out. You don't like baseball? OK. You are done with taking lessons? OK. Of course, there were times they knew I could do better, and encouraged me to break through what I thought were limitations. But at the same time I experienced leniency when merited. This same guiding principle runs the majority of my life even today.
* Food is Delicious. OK, that is probably self-explanatory to everyone. But seriously, my mom is pretty darn good at cooking. And not just cooking a recipe. Recipes are starting points for her. Sure we have a base recipe for lasagna, but that doesn't mean we don't end up with a spicy variety, or spinach variety, or whatever. This variety of different foods, plus the range of ethnic food we ate, was pretty neat. And some of that knowledge trickled down to me. So, sure I have recipes, but I know they are just starting points. The variety of food has also come in handy. I have no qualms about eating most anything. There are certain things I prefer not to eat, but I'm at home in all kinds of settings.
* Family is important. Again, this should be a no-brainer for most people. Still, looking back at the things that were given up to provide a loving home and to let us excel is quite astounding. Extra hours plugged into late night projects, the constant shuttling of me and my siblings, the hour every day of cooking dinner and late at night packing lunches. That isn't to say she didn't have fun either. But a serious amount of time and energy went into making our family work as a family. Plus, it didn't end at the household. We made sure to make time for other members of our family. And for family friends and their families. Even if things didn't always go smoothly, family was important and so we worked it out. Most of the time.
* It's not about things. This is a compound one. First, we were able to have fun with not much. The only video games I owned were a GameBoy and the computer. And I didn't have access to all the games on either. So instead I busied myself with other things. Books. Music. Sports. I had a pre-paid cellphone, and since it only charged if you were connected for more than around eight seconds, I could give my mom a pager code when we were done after school and it wouldn't cost us a cent. We lived without cable (oh the horrors). At the end of the day, you don't need things to have fun. Sure we would spend money on things, but those were important. Family vacations. Musical instruments when we reached the limits of our old ones. Good food. We didn't need to surround ourselves with the latest car or hippest whatever fad of the 90s was in vogue. And even if we did, we managed our own funds and did it efficiently. At the end of the day, the real invest was in people. Investing in social events. Investing in skills. Not investing in the transitory.
* Flexibility. More often than not, things don't go as planned. Sure you should have a very good plan (my mom's planning for parties is pretty intense. She developed a handbook for how to run banquets for organizations with timelines and contacts and everything), but leave room for changes. Allow for others to get in the way and make mistakes. Accommodate the crazy demands of the crazies, to an extent. When you fall flat on your face, smile and keep going. You can try to predict everything, but the unexpected will happen, so just roll with it.
This list could obviously keep going, but I think you get the point. Much of what I know and do today is thanks to my mom. <3
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