Stereotypes and Surprises

On a few occasions people have commented that they "didn't expect that" from me.

From my standard introductions, I fit the bill of a classic Asian nerd. I'm medium-to-short height, medium build, short black hair, wear glasses, young looking, not especially ripped (read: weakling), I work at Intel, I have an advanced college degree, I play games, and know quite a bit about lots of things. Sounds like the perfect classical Asian nerd. Knowing this, it should follow that I also know about the latest tech, tend to have the newest gadgets, can be counted on to do quick mental math, always texting, am handy with computers, play an instrument, have conservative values, tend to be socially reserved, don't do any sports, stay at home a lot, know my native language, not understand social norms, always eat rice, scored a perfect score on the SAT, play DDR, and put forth a smile no matter what. Sure some of those are true, but not all of them.

At first glance, I easily fall into a stereotype. I know many of my friends fall into similar stereotypes. You've got ripped jocks. You have delicate beautiful girls. You have quiet giants. You have charismatic business men. From a glance, you can categorize most people and get quite a lot right. After all, stereotypes have an element of truth to them. Plus, once they realize they fit in a stereotypical grouping, we naturally tend to gravitate towards fulfilling those expectations. If you already go to the gym and are complimented on how strong you are, you realize that is a unique and valuable feature and continue to get stronger by going to the gym and living that lifestyle. If you are known as the pretty girl you tend to reinforce that notion and add to that valuable commodity through style, make-up, and careful diets. (This is why you should compliment kids on their hard work and not on innate ability. The former develops their desire to keep trying harder challenges and pushing their limits. The latter causes them to seek simple tests and maintain a high score.)

But that doesn't mean the stereotype encompasses everything. We used to have a saying that in Mudd West were the destructive explosive people, South was the quiet people, North were the Beer pong players, and East was where the nerds of the nerds went. I happened to live in East, and after telling this anecdote to the tour groups I'd shrug and say so. Considering I am a rather well-adjusted geek who had just led them on a tour through half of the campus, I hoped some would realize not all nerds and geeks are stuck in their parent's bedrooms and unable to socialize.

Similarly, sometimes I can surprise people who only think of the stereotyped Asian nerd. For example, I have been told I'm quite competent at dancing (I still think I'm crap). This doesn't fit in the classic socially awkward stereotype they have in their mind. Or when I pick up on certain subtle social cues. And those times when I just put it on the line and act completely silly and outrageous. Or surprise people on something I know about the styles and mannerisms of women. These all seem abnormal to people who only know me as an Asian nerd.

Yet we all use stereotypes to categorize others. Even without meeting people we make snap judgements based on how they look and carry themselves. Oh, that girl has a short spiky hair style, she must be a firecracker. Probably lots of fun but you might get tired out if you pursue her and can't keep up the energy level. That guy is wearing a sports jersey. Probably follows the teams, knows lots of facts, might drink lots of beer and probably plays a sport if he's ripped. If not, maybe he's a frat boy. That carries its own load of benefits and stigmas. Oh that guy is wearing skinny jeans and has some tattoos. Gotta be a hipster listening to his hipster music and silently judging us all ironically. Snap decisions just from a glance and we think we know all about them. And once we get hard labels it gets worse as our biases start to leak out. That person identifies Republican? Must be closed off in their own little world of delusions and hates gays. Also, evil incarnate, delusional, ill-informed, or a combination of the above.

And this isn't restricted to personality types and moral value systems. Perfect example is age. At first glance some might think I'm as young as 16. But others have guessed I'm as old as 30 based on my behavior. Or based on someones car what their driving style is. Or their income bracket. Apparently, since I have a Masters degree, I make over $100,000 annually.

Personally, I try to surprise people. Let them think what they want. If they want to know the truth, they'll ask me or find out if they hang around enough (sidenote: ask me a straight question and I will give an honest answer). And perhaps eventually they'll realize I'm not what they expect and start to see me as a unique individual. Someone who can pull a 180 and surprise people. Someone who isn't what he seems at first glance. I like to think I have a few surprises still.

So why then do I feel it is OK to place labels and stereotypes on others?

Try meeting people and seeing them for who they are. Your gut profiling might get you a few traits right, but be prepared to be surprised by the rest.