Cheering for Complimenters

To be honest I usually am not depressed. I have bouts of depression, but my constant self-bashing is not an indication of constant self-loathing. I merely try to manage expectations and seek to present the truth. I know exactly how far I have to improve and am under no delusions of this fact.

That doesn't seem to deter the Complimenters.

I hope you know a few of these. Every time they see you they give a smile and cheer your entry. Whenever you praise them they don't dismiss it like I do, they turn it around and tell you how awesome you are in that same category. Somehow they always know exactly what to say to build you up and cheer you up.

Just last week we were at Midtown Stomp Swing Dancing. One of the guys in attendance is good. Scary good. If his partner is new he can guide them flawlessly through the basic and moderate moves. If his partner is skilled he kicks it up a notch whirling them around the floor and leaving them breathless. I once watched him in action and stood amazed, trying to watch for him to reuse a move so I could tease out how he did it. He didn't repeat most of them. When he sat down at the end of the song I complimented him going, "Man, that was awesome. Your partner definitely had fun. You're making the rest of us look bad!" He just looked at me and said, "Nah man, you the man. And now it's your time." Bam. Instant turnaround.

Suffice to say these people are awesome and make the people around them feel awesome.

It's not just in off-handed compliments. Complimenters are exceptional discussion leaders. They make sure to reiterate the points brought up and name the specific person who contributed. If there is a tangent or mistake in a point they carefully bring the topic back around without assigning blame. People are almost never wrong, they instead just missed something. Plus when they present their view it doesn't sound like a capstone trump card coming from the leader. You don't feel like you stumbled on their correct answer. They tease out the connections between everyone's points, reinforce the ones they liked and felt were important, but still give credit to the ones who brought it up as their idea.

Plus, they never seem to give up. I am pretty sure a few of them read this blog and so they know I do not need the compliments. But they keep coming. Another day another smile and a welcoming invitation to share about my day. Even when you keep your face neutral and hide away how uplifting that thought was, they seem undeterred.

So what makes these people Complimenters? No idea. I think it has to do with the intent to see the world from the brighter side. You actively look for things to compliment people on. These are not the Facebook picture spam generic feel-good compliments. These are targeted personal compliments. They require investment, thought, and custom-tailoring. When there is a negative, actively figuring out how to bring it around to the positive. Plus it isn't about them feeling better. It is about focusing and investing in the other person. It is uplifting others at no benefit to themselves.

I'm sure they could use a few Compliments of their own, so try becoming one yourself. Start with thanking and complimenting the Complimenters in your life. 'Cause they're awesome and deserve to feel good about it.